This is a rendering in verse of Bhaddā Kāpilānī’s poem at Thig 4.1. It is mostly faithful to the original, but I did have to make some adjustments for constraints of form as you’d expect. Please consult a prose translation for comparison if useful!
Bhaddā Kāpilānī’s Verses (Thig 4.1):
"Kassapa’s the Buddha’s son and heir
Whose mind, collected in samādhi well,
Can know where in past lives he there did dwell
And see both realms divine and of despair,
Whereon, to no further rebirth will he fare:
A sage whose higher insight full excels,
This threefold knowledge, which by him is held,
Becomes a brahmin wise by triple share.
Just so, does Bhadda Kapilani boast,
With triple knowledge, banished death, to heave
Her final corpse and have vanquished Māra’s host.
We both went forth, the world seen for its grief:
Now we’ve grown cool and have been rendered tame.
Now we are quenched and all our passions waned!"
Some notes on form: The sonnet is the perfect form for this poem because a sonnet is structured in two halves divided by what is called a ‘volta’ or ‘turn/twist.’ The first half of the sonnet lays out a case or argument, and then the second half of the poem takes a turn from that theme to develop, subvert, or enrich it with a new perspective. This is precisely how the original poem is structured.
The original poem has four quatrains, the first two being the set-up and the last two being the resolution from a turn. The rendition here is a kind of Italian sonnet, meaning there is an initial octave (two quatrains as in the Pali), succeeded by a sestet. This is nearly identical but has slightly abbreviated the line count. The slight difference in lines however helps neatly make up for the fact that the two languages have quite different syllable density. I’ve concluded with a Shakespearean couplet more familiar to English sonnets’ punchy finish. Enjoy!
This archaic sense of “repair” means “to frequent” which seems too far astray from the meaning of the original for my taste. I’d prefer something more like “Among rebirths he’ll no longer fare” (which fits your rhyme better as well!)
I’m not sure I totally agree with your assessment on ‘repair.’ The current Merriam-Webster dictionary for example defines the relevant sense in two ways, one labelled ‘obsolete’ meaning ‘to return,’ and another simply as to betake oneself or go (like “let’s repair to the smoke room for a cigar.”) Dictionary.com also lists two meanings under this heading, one defined as ‘to go frequently or customarily’ and the other simply as ‘to betake oneself; go, as to a place.’
To me it carries a very subtle connotation of taking refuge in a certain place, maybe because of that sense of where people can resort being mixed in.
That said, I could be mistaken! And I’m not opposed to ‘fare’! Maybe:
"Kassapa’s the Buddha’s son and heir
Whose mind, collected in samādhi well,
Can know where in past lives he there did dwell
And see both realms divine and of despair,
Whereon, to no further rebirth will he fare…"
I like avoiding the extra attention on the word ‘rebirth’ which the possessive enclitic 's naturally draws. Not because of the word itself, but because of the sound. So this is a nice way to evade that! Also, “to no further” is slightly elongated beyond the typical meter, so the flourish of the extra unstressed syllable adds weight to the sense of “further” dragging on and on. Edited for now
William Faulkner once commented of Ernest Hemmingway that he never used words which would make you check a dictionary. By this it seems he meant not that he didn’t use complex words, but that he didn’t adventure with the sense of words. So sometimes a little experimentation is where poetry gets its time to shine in advancing language. But maybe not this time!
I always feel like ancient metric poetry is best translated like so, to capture to psychosomatic effects they would have had on the audience.
Kassapa and Bhadda’s “Non-romance” is one of the nicest stories as well, of a true friendship and solidarity. I’m impressed with how gently you’ve handled the Pāli.
Thank you, Dogen! I agree that capturing the poems in form gives a much better sense of them.
The second stanza of the Pali has an ABBA rhyme scheme, which is what I’ve used here as is traditional to this type of sonnet. The final Pali stanza also ends with a rhyming couplet as in the English poem.
The Pali in general mostly rhymes, and I could imagine that in the past it may have rhymed consistently if you adjust one part: “disvā ādīnavam loke” → “disvā loke adīnavam” for example would rhyme with the following “ubho pabbajitā mayaṁ.” But alas!
Most of the Pali stanzas use an AABB rhyme scheme excepting the ABBA stanza I mentioned. The Pali metre is also a bit punchier and more sing-songy, whereas iambic pentameter carries the tone more of a sighing soliloquy with some possible wittiness. I think English tetrameter captures the rhythm of the sloka better. But iambic pentameter suits the poem in two other ways: in capturing the ‘surprise’ that takes over the second half, and in serving the same role as the sloka as the standard, most familiar rhythm of English poetry. Similarities and differences.
Well done! I’ve always found translating Buddhist poetry to English difficult. I’ve dabbled in writing poetry as a form of contemplation from a young age, but converting Indian or Chinese poetry to English is tough, especially when the number of syllables per word is sometimes so different. It makes it tough to maintain a set form throughout, but sometimes there are verses the lend themselves well to the conversion. I’m amazed by works like Esolen who managed to translate Dante’s Divine Comedy with metered and mostly rhyming English.
Thanks, Charles! Translating into verse is one of those dying arts that I think may be making somewhat of a comeback. Of old it was much more regular. There’s the classic Pope translation of Homer in heroic couplets which was quite influential, and in the US the old Longfellow translation of Dante. And of course in this general tradition the Victorian Buddhist translators dabbled.
I imagine that Chinese poetry in particular would be difficult to render well in a similar poetic form, though maybe it’s been done. If you have any recommendations of translators who translate the Chinese into a verse form which imitates relatively well the original music I’m all ears!
I’m not sure how ambitious my plans are either! As of now, I have a growing interest in working on a curated selection of poems for their artistic merits. Some of this will involve a comparative, parallel view of verses from Thera and Therī poems together. I’d like to anthologize a gleaning which reflects a good part of the themes, styles, and voices across the poems, likely with a little paragraph with a discussion of the original and translation choices. But it will take some time before I feel ready to publish anything. I’ll be in touch if such a time ever comes
Yes, in fact I do think such a project is better suited to a selective approach, rather than the systematic approach we normally have on SC. Still, see how you go.
I think Thag / Thig are particularly well suited for a lyrical / full metrical & rhyming translation. We could try to have a “D&D Lyrical Edition” where people (perhaps Bhante @Sujato too even? ) could submit their own rendition?
