Inspired with the recent discussions like this:
I’ve been thinking about how to make the sūtra translations a little more lyrical, and where to draw the lines. 
So the following is the introduction from Diamond Sūtra, to exemplify the translation choices, how to handle redundancies gracefully, how to change the conjugation for a more seamless expression.
Diamond Sūtra has many hallmarks as the EBT suttas, so the discussion here should apply for both, I hope.
evaṃ mayā śrutam
ekasmin samaye bhagavān śrāvastyāṃ viharati sma jetavane’nāthapiṇḍadasyārāme mahatā bhikṣusaṃghena sārthaṃ trayodaśabhir bhikṣuśataiḥ saṃbahulaiś ca bodhisattvair mahāsattvaiḥ atha khalu bhagavān pūrvāhṇakālasamaye nivāsya pātracīvaram ādāya śrāvastīṃ mahānagarīṃ piṇḍāya prāvikṣat atha khalu bhagavān śrāvastīṃ mahānagarīṃ piṇḍāya caritvā kṛtabhaktakṛtyaḥ paścādbhaktapiṇḍapātapratikrāntaḥ pātracīvaraṃ pratiśāmya pādau prakṣālya nyaṣīdat prajñapta evāsane paryaṅkam ābhujya ṛjuṃ kāyaṃ praṇidhāya pratimukhīṃ smṛtim upasthāpya atha khalu saṃbahulā bhikṣavo yena bhagavāṃs tenopasaṃkrāman upasaṃkramya bhagavataḥ pādau śirobhir abhivandya bhagavantaṃ triḥ pradakṣiṇīkṛtya ekānte nyaṣīdan upasaṃkramya bhagavataḥ pādau śirobhir abhivandya bhagavantaṃ triḥ pradakṣiṇīkṛtya ekānte nyaṣīdan
So I’ve heard.
Once upon a time, the Blessed One was dwelling in Śrāvastī —in the Jeta Grove in Anāthapiṇḍada’s park— together with a great assembly of 1,300 monks, including many great Awakening Ones.
It was then in the morning that the Blessed One wrapped himself in robes and walked through the great city of Śrāvastī, to seek alms with his bowl in hand.
After walking through the city, finding his meal and returning from the alms round, he set aside his robe and bowl, washed his feet, and sat on his seat—folding his legs like lotus flower, straightening his body, and settling his mindfulness ahead.
Then many monks approached the Blessed One—bowing their heads to his feet, circling him three times, and sitting aside.
tena khalu punaḥ samayenāyuṣmān subhutistasyāmeva parṣadi saṃnipatito’bhūtsaṃniṣaṇṇaḥ| atha khalvāyuṣmān subhūtirutthāyāsanādekāṃsamuttarāsaṅgaṃ kṛtvā dakṣiṇaṃ jānumaṇḍalaṃ pṛthivyāṃ pratiṣṭhāpya yena bhagavāṃstenāñjaliṃ praṇamya bhagavantametadavocat- āścaryaṃ bhagavan, paramāścaryaṃ sugata, yāvadeva tathāgatenārhatā samyaksaṃbuddhena bodhisattvā mahāsattvā anuparigṛhītāḥ parameṇānugraheṇa| āścaryaṃ bhagavan yāvadeva tathāgatenārhatā samyaksaṃbuddhena bodhisattvā mahāsattvāḥ parīnditāḥ paramayā parīndanayā| tatkathaṃ bhagavan bodhisattvayānasaṃprasthitena kulaputreṇa vā kuladuhitrā vā sthātavyaṃ kathaṃ pratipattavyaṃ kathaṃ cittaṃ pragrahītavyam ?
At that time, a most venerable monk called Subhūti was there among the gathered assembly, seated in their midst. Rising from his seat, he draped his robe over one shoulder; then, kneeling with his right knee on the ground and his palms joined before the Blessed One, he bowed and began to speak:
“Oh Blessed One!
It’s wonderful how the great Awakening Ones are graced with the highest grace by the Thus-Gone—the Worthful, the Perfectly Awakened One!
Blessed One! How wonderful that the great Awakening Ones are guided with such perfect guidance by the Thus-Gone—the Worthful, the Perfectly Awakened One!
Pray tell, then, Blessed One; for a son or daughter of good family who has set out on the path of the Awakening Ones—
How should they stand?
How should they proceed?
How should they train their minds?”
Now, a few notes:
I tried to translate everything to English, to account for a first-time reader, who has no idea what any of the Indic words mean.
Once upon a time: This is something I’m interested to hear feedback about. It does add a bit of mythological flair to it, which is something I’m all for, but I understand if it might be off putting, especially for Pāli Suttas.
For a stand-alone sūtra like Diamond Sūtra, especially one from late tradition, I think it would be interesting. Personally, I get bored reading “One time,” over and over.
Great Awakening Ones: bodhisattvair mahāsattvaiḥ is a stock phrase in Mahāyāna sūtras. A literal translation of “Boddhisattvas, Great Beings” sounds stilted in English. Better to just say “great Awakening Ones”?
Folding his legs like lotus flower: I think it sounds nicer than saying “Folding his legs into the lotus position”.
Settling his mindfulness ahead: I’ve seen such fantastic translations of this stock phrase, from Pāli to Sanskrit. “Establishing mindfulness in the front” doesn’t really make sense to me as an English sentence. Is my translation so far off the mark?
I would’ve liked to say “Settling his attention ahead” but that might be pushing it a bit too much.
Sitting aside: In English I often see “Sitting to one side” which is again, faithful to Indic, but feels stilted in English? How does “Sitting aside” feel? Perhaps a more idiomatic way to say it would be “Taking a seat”.
A most venerable monk called Subhūti: Again, the text kind of assumed the reader knows Subhūti. Instead of saying “Then, monk Subhūti rose from his seat”, a little elaboration helps paint a better picture for the reader, I think.
Oh Blessed One: Like in Pāli Suttas, Diamond Sūtra has a lot of verbatim copy-paste sections with little changes. These things can be off putting to a lot of newcomers to suttas. So, I’ve tried to follow a more natural speaking cadence, with minor alterations between the praises Subhūti offers to the Buddha.
I’m wondering if this kind of an attitude is acceptable to bring to sutta translations.
Worthful: Trying to find a good English translation for Arahat. Yes, it sounds out of place - but still, a little archaic, a little larger-than-life, still English, and it gives a sense of what’s actually going on in the text, rather than bombarding the reader with Indic words left and right.
Pray tell, then: Doesn’t exist in the Sanskrit. We must be mindful of the choices that make musical sense in Sanskrit, things that are implied and omitted, things that are left out unsaid. Carrying on straight “How then-” right after the praises sounds kind of out-of-place in English.
Ideal: Not yet seen in this translation, I’m thinking of using Ideal to translate Dharma as. DPD has no matches for “Ideal”. I think the word captures the nuances of the word nicely: “I’m teaching you Ideals as a raft - not something to hold on to, but to reach to the other shore” kind of vibes.
—: Works great for the embedded sentence structure. No machines were harmed during the production of these em dashes. 
All kinds of criticism and ideas are welcome. Thanks.
