“A woman focusses on her own femininity:
Itthī, bhikkhave, ajjhattaṃ itthindriyaṃ manasi karoti—
her feminine moves, feminine appearance, feminine ways, feminine desires, feminine voice, and feminine adornment.
itthikuttaṃ itthākappaṃ itthividhaṃ itthicchandaṃ itthissaraṃ itthālaṅkāraṃ.
She’s stimulated by this and takes pleasure in it.
Sā tattha rajjati tatrābhiramati.
So she focusses on the masculinity of others:
Sā tattha rattā tatrābhiratā bahiddhā purisindriyaṃ manasi karoti—…”
A being attends to their gender, and on account of delighting in it, is bound to their gender and seeks to be bounded with another gender.
The being delights, essentially, in their groin area, the bases for their gender designation. They ‘take it up’ as mine etc and are thus taken along with it, wherever IT wants to go.
Joined , bonded and engaged with their groin. They seek that which will emphasizes it.
Even one who denies their gender on account of what they feel or think is still bound or acting from their groin.
It is often quite popular to reflect on the opposite gender as disgusting, so as to arrive at dispassion, but staring at images or having such thoughts is missing the mark.
For the root of attraction towards others is the attraction one has for ones own groin, and this is where the asubha/unattractive perception needs to be applied.
The DANGER of being bound to ones own groin, the unsatisfactory nature of being subject to ITS wants, is what asubha/ unattractive is.
The urges from ones own fleshy groin area, is what one is overwhelmed by through delighting in, and through not correctly discerning it. It leads one on and on and on, here there and everywhere.
We can avoid the other attractive gender, as an initial pause so to gain perspective on the situation, but if we have not disengaged with our own groin, we are still bound, and maras daughters/ sons will continue to try and find a way to entice us. There will be no rest.
A person can stare at asubha pictures,but will eventually see attraction in those pictures because the root of the problem is not abandoned.
(Apologies if this was supposed to be posted in another category, I’m still trying to discern the difference. I’ve posted it here with the intention to engage with anyone who can maybe see a fault in my understanding. This post might be better suited in the ‘essay’ department?)