are these monastics bypassing the Vinaya?
As the venerables have said, these things don’t necessarily cross Vinaya lines.
When lay people interact with monastics, much of a monastics good or bad behaviour doesn’t fall within the Vinaya, rather it is a reflection of how they live their lives generally. So while the things they are doing may not be breaking the Vinaya, it sound like they aren’t meeting your expectations.
There is very little that lay people can do to change the behaviour of monastics. Officially stating a loss of confidence will likely do nothing positive and you are not under any obligation to do so.
This sticks out to me:
I’m curious if you had concerns before and that contact just gave you a way to articulate them, or if things were fine in your mind and someone sewed the seeds of doubt.
Monastics who try to follow the Vinaya will often use some heuristics (decision making shortcuts) to determine if a group of monastics is safe to associate with.
So for example, although driving vehicles is not against the Vinaya, I have never heard of a community that follows the Vinaya and also drives. Doesn’t mean they don’t exist, but I’ve never heard of or seen one. So in my mind I can use that non-Vinaya thing to make a decision about the group.
Another example of a Vinaya heuristic is the kappiya-ing of uncut fruit. If you know that a group does that, then you can be fairly confident that they are aware of and probably follow many of the minor rules.
Heuristics are not perfect! They can reflect all sorts of biases. And they don’t work in reverse. A group could not drive and still not follow the Vinaya.
Food and money are another clue. If they at least are trying to get food offered, and they won’t accept cash or use it, then they could very well be doing the best they know how in the circumstances they are in.
It’s quite hard for people not involved directly to know what is going on as far as the Vinaya. (And in that I’m referring to both you and us strangers on the internet.) There are many ways that a monastic can avoid breaking the rule that may, in fact, look suspicious. And many times outside of Buddhist cultures (or a community of well trained lay supporters) it can be difficult to keep Vinaya in a way that looks good.
The fact is, the majority of Theravada monastics don’t keep the Vinaya very closely, if at all. So while the monastics in question could be breaking some rules, if they are that’s not at all surprising.
Although it is possible to go through the list of your observations and see how it might be that no Vinaya rules are being broken, it’s also not hard to see how the actions might be problematic. And when seen all together they could be a sign that their values don’t match your own. I wouldn’t say you are being a Vinaya fanatic, but you seem to have a view about how monastics should act that doesn’t match with this group. Or there may just be something that doesn’t feel right and the Vinaya is a way for you to try to articulate your suspicions.
It would appear that these actions are being done quite openly. That leaves it up to the lay supporters to decide if this is a group they want to support. But at the end of the day the Vinaya is the monastics’ to keep. Or not keep. Your decision is only the degree to which you want to continue supporting them.
On a more general note, one of the reasons that people are traditionally instructed to make their gift to the Sangha and not to individual monks is to protect against this kind of difficulty. Not only does the Buddha state that a gift to the Sangha surpasses a gift to individuals, (even the Buddha himself, MN142), but giving in this way helps us maintain the joy of giving when the individual monastics start to disappoint us.
