Dear Bhante,
many thanks for sharing the translation! After reading the sutta and the replies, I think that every reader will favor a certain wording over another, because this specific wording conveys a pasrticular meaning for that person. Hence, as long as the word is not too much off, it will start “to carry the meaning” it is supposed to have, if it is used consistently and people will get used to it after having read a few pages.
Having said that, I still cannot resist to mention that I am not happy with the word ‘monastic’. I also remember from a sutta class given by Ajahn Brahm on MN128 that the Buddha addresses the group of three with “I hope you are all keeping well, Anuruddha, …”. He just addresses the most senior one but obviously means all three. Ajahn Brahm explained that the term “bhikkhus” used in the suttas also addresses the hierarchically most prominent group of “bhikkhus” first, but also means to include “bhikkhunīs” and laywomen as well as laymen. The word monastics , as I understand it, however, tries to include monks and nuns, but does not include laity. (Which I find a bit sad.)
How about translating “bhikkhus” with any of these terms:
“followers” or “meditators” or “trainees” (I admit, these are also not perfect…)
In the context of the present sutta, I found the wording “group of five ‘ascetics’” quite appropriate, because, as I imagine the situation, the five were not yet ordained when the teaching was given? (This can be disputed however, because some scholars seem to hold the view that the sutta comprises several teachings given in a series of several days. So somewhere along the line the five may well be considered as the first five monastics…)
Also, “galaxy” (*) somehow does not seem to reflect the meaning of “world system” with sense-sphere, form and formless realms, because galaxy would, in my understanding of its meaning, refer to a physical system. Such a ‘bunch of stars’ would in my understanding always refer to a material realm. Why not simply use “world”, or “realm”, or “realms” which might be a bit more open.
(However, I am aware that I am not a native English speaker, so the connotation I give to some of the words might not be according to their common use.)
I am not really passionate about any of the other terms and I could also get used to “monastics” and “galaxy”. (However, I am very happy that you do not plan to use the sanskritized versions of “dhamma” and “nibbāna” and that you want to leave certain terms untranslated.)
Mnay thanks and with much mettā,
Robert
(*) I thought you mentioned translating “world system” as “galaxy” in one of the previous posts under “translating the four nikāyas”, but looking for it now, I cannot find the passage anymore. So, if I confused something, please ignore the comment.