That is helpful - now I have a context to understand nibidda. I look forward to it! I had thought that nibbida might be something like disenchantment. I am not talking about depression more a sense of the pointlessness of how we live before we meet the Dhamma. An experience that provides an impetus to investigate - to practice. Could there be strong and weak forms of Nibidda? You seemed to say something like this when you mentioned it’s various meanings in translation.
Being repulsed by existence every now and then sounds manageable. Being in a constant state of revulsion would be very unpleasant. Who would make that their rationale for existence? It makes awakening sound like a form of self punishment.
Sure, it happens time and again in life, it’s not just a one-off. But what matters is not so much the strength as the context. You can get disenchanted, but what does it mean? When it happens in the right way, as part of the mature development of the path, the outcome is freedom.
There’s a nice similie I read in Ven Rerukanne Chandrawimala’s books about a bird that is limited to a mast of a ship in the middle of the wide ocean. It flies off but has no where else to go and has to come back. This is like when we become disenchanted with existence, but has no option but to return to it. However when the ship has come close to the further shore, the bird can leave the mast and seek safety on land. This is similar to nibbida - it is precursor to true release.
I hear you - we need too keep the wheel rolling all the way to freedom. Nibidda is a necessary ingredient it provides a course correction an impetus to keep it real - to wake up! We need to see the problem clearly - feel it - respond to it and practice wholeheartedly. Life is not a walk in the park! However, a walk in the park can be helpful if we do it mindfully - with kindness and warmth. Why not feed the birds and be grateful for the sunshine - the blessings of the triple gem? Anything that helps and does not hinder - why not walk all the way home?
MN45 could be another example. A little ways down it says “nor among the faggots.” Obviously they’re not talking about the slur, but maybe it could be translated as something else just in case someone reads it who doesn’t know that.
