Frightened of deep meditation

[willy1]

Thank you so much Mheadley. The fear is so bad I had been thinking of writing off meditation for good. Thank you for your advice about this - I will look up the Sathipatthana Sutta and practice metta

[Dogen]

@willy1

It doesn’t feel pleasurable. Just frightening. I have a lot of regrets in life, so I’m wondering if maybe my mind just isn’t ready to go very deep. I’d love to know what people think. Thank you all so much.

First of all, discussing personal practice on these boards is frowned upon - for various (ethical and legal not the least) reasons. So, that should be the opening.

With that said, resurgence of past traumas, even cases of psychosis can occur with deep meditation.

Best way to move forward is seeking first professional help, and later on private chats with a meditation teacher you trust.

Best of luck.

@mheadley

Second thing is that you must read Satipatthana Sutta over and over again. You must read it until your eyes bleed. Don’t read it and then try to meditate; just read it. When ready, take a chunk from Satipatthana Sutta and only do that one chunk. It will be very refreshing for you to know exactly what you’re getting in to. People have lost the ability to see this in our day and age, but just one small action of the body that takes five seconds such as “there is breathing in” is enough to gain insight. It doesn’t have to be a “let’s sit for six hours until I see demons” kind of thing.

Thirdly, you are on the right track with that feeling of terror. Embrace it. The mind does not usually have such a strong response to things in that way if they don’t have much power and significance. Meditation is the deepest thing you could possibly imagine, and it should inspire some fear.

I’m sorry, I have to say, these are terrible ideas.

Any cases like OP’s post sounds like it requires a visit to a mental health care professional. Rereading suttas “until your eyes bleed” when you feel like you’re losing your mind, is a terrible, unethical, irresponsible advice.

Furthermore, it’s again irresponsible and dangerous to say “You’re on the right track with terror. Embrace it.” Meditative life can have ups and downs, but not to the point of OP’s tone, who also mentions a history of difficulty.

Please reconsider giving IRL advice to people who’re clearly seeking mental health and refraining from such irresponsible advices.

@moderators Might want to take a look at this thread.

[Dogen]

@mheadley

Perhaps my humor was a bit much, but I obviously don’t mean that he should literally make himself sustain injury.

Perhaps not; even as a joke, when someone mentions they’re experiencing “tremendous fear” or fearing “losing their mind” is no place to joke around, nor is it time to re-read suttas over and over again.

These are obvious mental cues that signal something is wrong. First those things should be cleared up in a safe and professional setting before anything further can be discussed.

In general, when someone’s mentioning mental health, it’s always prudent to err (extremely) on the side of caution.

[HSS]

People actively creating objects in their mind.

Some noting objects in their mind.

But it is very rare to find people watching their mind.

Good luck to you