Grounds for Faith and Peace
During all these years study, reading different explanations of this and that, meeting with different schools and teachers, personally i have never met any explanations of Dhamma that after a while does not have in some way an unpleasant additional taste. Something unsatisfactory about it, not logic, not consistent. Something that after a while does not make perfect sense. Like it never fits perfectly. It is like it is always dukkha too.
That used to be a real problem for me. I read a lot of different teachers and different traditions. But now I do not see this anymore as a big problem. I think the intellect has its own needs and ground for faith. It trusts something that is logic, consistent, clear. When all pieces fall nicely into place and there are no inconsistencies, the intellect trusts and is at ease, peaceful.
But this is also fragile. New info can challenge that and lead to cognitive dissonance again.
As a result you can grasp very strongly at certain interpretations or explanations and exclude all others. Just to feel not confused and maintain, forcefully, this socalled fruit of peace and clarity of mind.
I belief this peace and faith the intellect seeks is all very insecure, vulnerable, tanha driven, and it does not lead to openness and detachment.
Still there is this need inside, and it is intellectually satisfying when explanations are seemingly consistent. I now think this must not be seen as Dhamma-expertise or even real faith and peace. Ofcourse the mind cools down to a certain degree when it is intellectually satisfied. But, I belief is all very fragile. It is never a real peace of the heart. It is always challenged.
I belief Dhamma-expertise is more visible in how one develops as a human being. Does one become more oneself, more sensitive, open-minded, detached, less furious and fanatic, less obsessive, also towards certain Dhamma-explanations. Claiming this and that.
In a sense it is perfect that there are so many interpretations of Dhamma. Teasing the intellect. Arousing and making visible here and now our need for intellectual clarity and satisfaction .