How can we be diligent without being consumed by expectations to change?

Javier6 · August 16, 2026, 6:03pm

Good day people, I hope you’re doing fine.

Here’s my question for today’s discussion: how can we survive and be diligent in our lives without succumbing to pressure, without being consumed by expectations and without being driven by the craving to become someone else and change who we are?

If it’s okay, I’d like to add my personal experience (the reason why I’m asking this): I listened to a metta meditation given by Ajahn Brahm, and he really helped me to recognize that I am good enough as I am, that there’s nothing wrong with me. But, it’s easy to realize that when I’m meditating. When it comes to the outside world, expectations like succeeding at college (biggest source of stress), getting a good work, making enough money to survive, achieve mastery in a particular skill… it’s in those situations that I feel a pressure to change, to fix things up, to be better, and so on.

Here’s the end of my experience.

I’d really like to know what the Buddha encouraged us to do when those hindrances arise in our daily lives, outside our formal meditation session.

Looking forward to hear your thoughts. May all of you be at peace inside.

knigarian · August 16, 2026, 9:43pm

I think, words of Venerable Teacher have some value, but perhaps- I can’t say without ability to read mind of Ajhan Brahm - they could apply to such phenomenon as guilt, helplessness and so on.

Unfortunately if you want to practice Dhamma, you must realise that there is something wrong with you what has to be changed - you must change yourself.

So in Dhamma on higher level, the problem with lower personal self-esteem isn’t solved by acceptance of who you are as a person, - you must change yourself-, but you aim should not be to become some kind of better person, but the opposite, total cessation of idea that you are person.

In terms of becoming someone else, you can describe it as becoming nobody, and take it quite literally. So for example you can’t be insulted. Not because you became some kind of holy person, but becouse there wouldn’t be anybody to feel insulted, just impermanent arrangement of aggregates.

Javier6 · August 17, 2026, 2:04am

Of course, I’m not a perfect human being, and I didn’t mean I will never change. Surely, Dhamma is there for something: to help me realize something way bigger that my conception of “I”. But, when it comes to practice, I try to respect my limits and move gradually so that the teachings will fruit on its own. Maybe it’ll take years, or even eons, but the path will be completed.

Thanks for your comment. It served for reflection. May you be at ease.

faujidoc1 · August 17, 2026, 6:05am

One should understand the source of these expectations, their gratification, their drawback and escape (MN13, MN 14).

Yes, the Buddha agrees that we need to strive to develop better qualities- we should never think “just this much is enough” (MN 39). But what can you actually accumulate in this life that can be taken to the next? What is truly profitable?

Power, wealth, fame… these are the hordes of Mara (Snp 3.2) which are constantly beckoning one off the path. At such times, I always think of Migara of Rohana.. one of the richest men in the world at the time of the Buddha (AN 7.7). Have you heard of him? Exactly.

Just to be clear - the Buddha was in favour of householders getting rich! But for the right reasons (AN 5.41).

Here’s a piece of (non buddhist ) financial advice I took to heart as a young man. Perhaps you might find it helpful too.

Javier6 · August 17, 2026, 11:56am

I appreciate your advice

I’d like to ask something else: how can you become rich and be content (as the Buddha said) at the same time?

I ask this because for a long period of time I feared being rich. The reason? I thought richness would increase craving.

faujidoc1 · August 17, 2026, 2:56pm

By getting rich for the right reasons.

Not for finer food, nor for finer clothing, nor a bigger roof over your head or chasing dreams of perfect health or a perfect body… in short all the ‘carrots’ seen on Insta

Not for the satisfaction of personal whims, nor for self aggrandizement, not for the thought “thus let people know about me!”… in short all the ‘carrots’ offered by the unholy academic/ corporate/ political trinity, where individual beings are just more grist for the mill.

One should strive to get rich so that one may better do one’s duty (Dharma).

One should provide adequately for one’s own legitimate personal needs - both in the present and with a thought to the future. Thereafter, one should use wealth to provide for wife, children, parents and family, for teachers and employees and to support inspiring causes/ organizations, whether religious or otherwise (AN8.54, DN 31).

Being blameless in this way, one may reflect on one’s past deeds with an unburdened heart.

The result is stream entry!

AN 11.11
‘I’m so fortunate, so very fortunate.
Among people full of the stain of stinginess I live at home with heart rid of stinginess, freely generous, open-handed, loving to let go, committed to charity, loving to give and to share.’
When a noble disciple recollects their generosity their mind is not full of greed, hate, and delusion. …
This is called a noble disciple who lives in balance among people who are unbalanced, and lives untroubled among people who are troubled. They’ve entered the stream of the teaching and developed the recollection of generosity.

moxu · August 17, 2026, 4:10pm

If this were true poor people would all be already enlightened… What increases craving is acting out of unwholesome.

As it was said, if you chose to be a householder, there is duties that a householder must do to live as a householder. Work properly, if the job requires to keep studying, one needs to keep studying etc. One also needs to recognize that this is the dust and hardship of the householder life that the Buddha talked about. Needing to improve themselves constantly, always be working to pay the bills, the house, the children etc. It is hard, it is anxiety-driven, it consumes a lot of time. One cannot be delusional in regards to it, though. Which is also hard, being in the context of the householder life.