I’d like to continue my previous discussion on upholding the Dhamma without a nearby Sangha, but now with a different flavor: how can we uphold the Dhamma when there’s so much hatred and enmity around, especially in family, closed ones, friends and colleges?
Let me give you some context: I’m working right now in a community project with a group of closed friends and colleges for my college, and something that they all share is the hatred and enmity they have towards the facilitator of the grade we’re currently in. Their argument is this: they feel that facilitator is not helping at all, leaving us doing all the work. But, I can’t relate to that; and because I can’t share that same hatred and enmity, they think I’m putting them down, which is not true. I want the welfare and happiness of all living beings in the world, no matter if I get a long to them or not; that’s why I can’t share that same view my group have.
We (the group) still get along regardless of that, but I’m afraid that enmity will divide us and create an environment of more hatred and suffering for all.
Now that I gave you a detailed context, let me repeat my question once more: how could you uphold the Dhamma when there’s so much hatred and enmity around, especially in family, closed ones, friends and colleges?
Looking forward to hear your answers. May you all be blessed and happy!
The Buddha teaches personal responsibility, there’s nothing we can do about the behavior of others except for setting an example and guiding those willing and able to be guided. To uphold the dhamma we study the teachings and practice the Eightfold path regardless of what others are doing.
In MN.8 he covers the various ways others will hold wrong attitudes but we should not. It is certainly difficult being around challenging people which is why the Buddha often advises not associating with fools, but since in lay life that’s not always possible then I think the second best choice is to practice metta as an emotional and psychic barrier against their ill will.
Personal responsability and metta… That’s all I needed to hear! You’re right, it’s difficult to not associate with fools in lay life, but your words serve me to keep doing my best.
Don’t feed it, don’t make it worse. If people slander others, you can try steering the conversation in a wholesome direction, e.g. focus on positive qualities a la AN 5.162. Silence is always an option, you don’t have to have an opinion about everyone and everything.
Cultivate the brahmaviharas. Cultivate goodwill and friendliness for people. Wouldn’t you forgive a friend or family member who acted foolishly? Cultivate compassion for beings who make bad kamma. It’s only natural that people will speak unskillfully if they aren’t learned in Dhamma and don’t see the value of virtuous behavior. Cultivate equanimity and reflect on kamma. Remember you were ignorant of Dhamma not that not long ago, just like they are now. Don’t get arrogant on that account, thinking you’re better than others. Recognize arrogance when it arises and abandon it.
Be mindful of your own aversion and ill will. We’ve all got aversion, it’s just some people express it more coarsely. Again, how could it be otherwise for someone who doesn’t know about or value Dhamma? It’s like that parable of the scorpion and the frog: it’s the scorpion’s nature to sting. If the mind has been conditioned to be unskillful and sunk in ignorance, speech and action are bound to be the same.
You might take heart from what happened in Kosambi…(MN 128) and also from the general observation that what you are experiencing is a repeating pattern in human relations.
The way to live in harmony with one’s spiritual companions (people who are committed to developing the upward path, so not just anyone) is covered in MN 31 .
MN 31
“I hope you’re living in harmony, appreciating each other, without quarreling, blending like milk and water, and regarding each other with kindly eyes?”
“Indeed, sir, we live in harmony like this.”
“But how do you live this way?”
"In this case, sir, I think,'I’m fortunate, so very fortunate,to live together with spiritual companions such as these. '
I consistently treat these venerables with kindness by way of body, speech, and mind, both in public and in private .
I think,‘Why don’t I set aside my own ideas and just go along with these venerables’ ideas?'And that’s what I do. Though we’re different in body, sir, we’re one in mind, it seems to me . "
And the venerables Nandiya and Kimbila spoke likewise, and they added: “That’s how we live in harmony, appreciating each other, without quarreling, blending like milk and water, and regarding each other with kindly eye s .”
That said, gossip and slander forms a large part of routine lay interactions. People seem to bond over these kind of ‘water cooler’ discussions . I’d hazard a guess that there is a 99% chance that none of the people sharing their feelings of hatred towards the facilitator would actually support their dismissal! People are most likely just venting their frustrations at the situation.. they are upset about having to work hard, etc etc… and the facilitator is just a convenient strawman. One should see it as simply an expression of their dukkha … and be compassionate towards all involved.
As one follows the Buddhist path (esp the 4th precept on abstaining from Wrong Speech) one tends to gravitate away from involvement in such pointless talk.
At the co-operative I used to live we had sort of unofficial rule to not talk of another in a negative light (unless they were present) it was great because apart from eliminating discords … people can also reveal themselves to the world - they don’t have to be concerned is a person talking about what ever silly difference - people are free to change - when we talk about but not with we deny that - for people to surprise us - freedom to change
mostly when people talk about someone but won’t with them it’s one of the most harmful common place things
there’s execeptions of course - sometimes it’s necessary to talk about someone in a negative light without them present when there is danger etc
. I’d hazard a guess that there is a 99% chance that none of the people sharing their feelings of hatred towards the facilitator would actually support their dismissal! People are most likely just venting their frustrations at the situation.. they are upset about having to work hard, etc etc… and the facilitator is just a convenient strawman. One should see it as simply an expression of their dukkha … and be compassionate towards all involved.