A friend who led a sutta study group at a local ( US ) vihara died. The group was not directly affiliated with the vihara, they just let the group use its space for many years.
I want to have some sort of memorial with the group for our fallen friend.
How do these things work with Sri Lankan monastics?
Do the monastics chant metta or particular suttas for the deceased in return for donations?
Does the size of the donations matter?
Would checks left in donation box marked “thank you for the memorial for the deceased” be insulting?
Do the monastics expect other things?
Do the monastics do other things for memorials?
It is a small group. I thought the monastics doing what monastics do for the deceased would be nice, in addition to people from the group saying their piece would be a good way to go.
Beyond Buddhism alone, is there something else I could arrange to help people move on?
The services done by the vihara should not really be charged for. Whatever you offer will be appreciated. Indicating on a check in the donation box is completely appropriate.
I asked because I am not knowledgeable of the Sri Lankan culture.
As with any culture there is a difference between what is explicitly required and what is customary.
My sutta group ( mostly Americans ) noticed we got treated better in the past after making donations, so that is why I wanted to ask about the customs to avoid offending anyone.
That may be the case or not. But what I do know is that Sri Lankans tend to bear the (quite heavy) burden of the material support of not only their own viharas but also “western” monasteries as well (along with other Asian ex-pats, of course). I find that westerners tend not to think about the cost of maintaining the facilities they are using.
