A practical advice on how to live one’s life when one wants to have a partner?
I think you may have already been aware that there are lots of ‘Buddhist’ articles about why something happens to us. Part of it may come from the suttas (?), in which the Buddha said why we were rich, beautiful, intelligent in this life.
Hence, articles on why and how to fix the problems. For instance, (please do not laugh too loud), if you want to have a partner, when you offer things to the Sangha, you should offer them in ‘pair (= couple)’.
Of course, people who are so deeply conditioned to believe what the society has instilled in us (success = having a good job, good money, house, car, partner and two children) truly suffer and are happy to be offered ways to fix their problems.
I have great sympathy for those who have been so brainwashed and cannot find peace living by themselves. Would you please kindly give some advice to such people? If the question is irrelevant, please PM me and I will forward that to those who are suffering (believe me there are more than you imagine - both men and women!).
@Brahmali [quote=“Brahmali, post:18, topic:2748”]
for not using painkillers as you die becomes even more dubious, and I would say outrightly detrimental.
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Totally agree. Physical pain can totally overwhelm, so to speak, the capacity to be mindful (not to mention other positive states of mind, like the other awakening factors). It’s really important to have at least some degree of physical ease & comfort, if at all possible, to support the process… and I think makes it much more likely to be able to accept death and ‘let go’…
To me, true mindfulness has to be in the service, so to speak, of wisdom. It’s not so we can be ‘in control’ in the sense of some idea of a little ego-consciousness at the center in charge of everything (not the best explanation, but I can’t think of a better way to express it at the moment). I actually think some popular ideas of mindfulness (so-called) are sometimes misused this way ie. end up in the service of propping up a sense of self (not that that would be ‘right mindfulness’).
In this case I would say that Abhidhamma ideas lead to all sorts of unnecessary suffering for dedicated Buddhists, and this at a time when they would really want to be at ease.
These kind of beliefs are also very often common in some kinds of ‘new age’ nonsense.
I think I understand what you mean in the sense that death is not something we can rehearse and be totally prepared for in the sense of thinking we can control the proess. Perhaps a simpler way to express what I was trying to say is that practicing now to cultivate wholesome conditions, to support a mind capable of letting go, is what I see as important.
I’d still rather have had training and practice in in how to open a parachute before being faced with the split-second need to actully do so, without having had any training, in what might be an incredibly difficult and potentially terrifying experience
that is of course undeniable, as after all that’s what a Buddhist is to do as a part of following the Dhamma on their way to awakening, but usefulness of this practice at the moment of death is in my opinion far from guaranteed unless it’s born some fruit theretofore
maybe an illustration of this is Goenka’s account of his aunt death, as well as an illustration of the fact that practice of and skills in mindfulness could be misused to one’s own detriment,
when there’s unexplainable pain it’s worth seeing a doctor rather than act passively and simply endure it mindfully (although his aunt could have other reasons to be passive)
I don’t think there is any particular relationship. These just carry on as before. They are related , however, to the attainment of cessation of perception and feeling, in the sense that they cease in a particular order, see MN44.
Again, the khandhas just carry on, albeit in a slightly different form. In this respect ghosts and devas are no different from humans. The only exceptions are the immaterial attainments, where materiality (rūpa) ceases completely. (There are also the rarely encountered asaññā sattā, “beings without perception,” which supposedly only have material form. I am not sure how seriously to take this.)
Do you mean how to attract a partner? There is no guarantee that you will, and for this reason the best thing is to learn to accept your lot. It’s painful to desire something you cannot get. This is the real Buddhist advice.
But I guess you are right, most people don’t want to hear this sort of thing. So the second best is to be kind and caring. People are attracted to kindness. In this way you are chopping two carrots with one knife: making good kamma and possibly finding suitable partner.
Apart from this there is obviously a whole host of things you can do, none of which are particularly Buddhist. The best thing to do is perhaps to visit a relationship counsellor.
“most people don’t want to hear this sort of thing.”
True, Ajahn.
“So the second best is to be kind and caring. People are attracted to kindness. In this way you are chopping two carrots with one knife: making good kamma and possibly finding suitable partner.”
