When I’m invited to a wedding I’m asked to share in the happy event. Perhaps it’s merely a difference in how the English language is used here in Wales compared to where you are from. At any rate, there really isn’t anything else to say further lest I start repeating myself.
Whatever happened to productive discussion?
Please think about what you are writing.
How is it right speech to run these interpersonal arguments in public?
Don’t we all come here to learn Dhamma?
I am calling out @SeriousFun136 and @Ceisiwr in front of our Buddhist community and asking you both to remove &/or edit your posts.
5 Likes
Please use this time to review the thread per Gillian’s request. If there is confusion as to which posts are unnecessarily argumentative please contact the mods by PM.
This topic was automatically opened after 19 hours.
What I see in threads like this is bickering between the same few forum members over largely the same points of disagreement. Topic threads subsequently get dominated by the bickering parties. Robust forum discussion is enjoyable for both the participants and the readers. If there’s a bone to be picked between individuals, it should be done in private message.
3 Likes
Post removed. Must be 20 characters.
1 Like
What should one do if the other party becomes non-responsive and uncommunicative through private messaging?
How can one discern between “bickering” and “suitably making a point/argument for one view over another”?
Must admit I haven’t thought too much about this general issue! 
However, sharing can have other meanings too. I can share experiences or thoughts or ideas (or even Dhamma) and the other person can gain even though I have lost nothing in the sharing (perhaps have even gained myself by the generosity). Sharing might be an opportunity for mudita (apprecitative joy) to be fostered, which would come with its own good kamma.
2 Likes
I allowed my words to express the irritation I was feeling. They were too strong and I apologise to the community. I’ll use my following post to explain more fully what was bothering me.
I apologise especially to those members who were making useful and thoughtful contributions to this interesting topic.
12 Likes
Sadhu sadhu sadhu. Being a moderator is not an easy job. We are all only human.
13 Likes
This the problem in a nutshell:
And this is why we call out bickering when we think we see it:
It’s easy to detect a sudden flare of anger or personal attack, but the slide towards low-level argument can be quite subtle.
It shows up when two people keep throwing the same (often small) aspect of a topic backwards and forwards between each other.
You said …
I didn’t say …
You don’t understand.
Answer my question.
Phrases like that are not always objectionable, especially if they occur on their own. But they build up. Sometimes they move on to harsher words.
Don’t be stupid.
You’re a moron.
You never …
You always …
I made up all the above examples, and this thread never moved to the level of the second group, but the ease with which Group One can morph into Group Two is one reason why moderators get twitchy when they see this sort of language.
When people find themselves in disagreement on a topic, there are two useful approaches. One is to do some independent research, learn more and then share the new knowledge. The other is to respectfully agree to disagree, as was done earlier on in this thread.
It’s OK to leave discussions unresolved.
Directing a lot of questions all at once to a single person can express a real interest in their ideas, but it can also sound aggressive. Here we are communicating across different cultures, and we need to be really careful about how we do this.
As soon as the argument moves to
You are doing X, Y, and Z …
I am expressing myself very clearly …
things have ramped up a bit more. These sorts of moves are never pleasant to receive. An argument can start with either of those moves, and then just keep going round in circles…
These were the types of expressions that I thought it would be useful to revise. I can’t point to one or two single items on their own that would “fix” the problem. Nevertheless the whole tone still feels counter productive to me, and I am interested to know if you understand what I am saying?
12 Likes
Thank you Bhante.
As I reviewed this thread, I was thinking that it would be helpful if a monastic could explain how the Sharing of Merits chants are used, both traditionally and contemporarily, and maybe a bit about how the concept developed.
It was something that I found really puzzling when I first came to Buddhism.
7 Likes
Let it go. 
14 Likes
You should take the hint and stop harassing people.
8 Likes
PS: Here is a talk by Ajahn Brahm in which he talks about the sharing of merits:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/19ZGJKJbUN6zJDgFgMLgB9?si=sJN8qzvISx-KE7uZN1Qrkg
7 Likes