How to not care

The Watercooler
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Hi friends

I know this is not specifically sutta related. I’ve noticed something that makes life difficult for me is the to be care. I care about doing the right thing and a lot of the world doesn’t. It’s an ego thing and a compassion thing tied in a knot.

It creates conflict. For example so may people at work at super self centered and don’t do the right thing and I’m the guy trying to make sure things are done correctly and so that people including myself are treated well and safety is followed but everything keeps biting me in the butt. The management is poor and is okay putting out fires instead of having meetings to deal with things in advance but it makes it harder.

And seeing that I somehow need to find a way to care less I think some self preservation and less conflict.

Any suggestions?

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Right. Perhaps you could extract out what you think the universal issues are. Then people would be able to help you relate your situation to the suttas/EBTs. Otherwise it just turns into personal advice which is not suitable for this forum. There are other Buddhist forums with broader mandates that might be more helpful if you don’t want to focus on the suttas.

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I was asking you get advice yes from people who know the Suttas so obviously seeking advice from the Buddha through the suttas and those who know them better than I do.

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I think the answer is not in caring less, but in caring more in a skilful way.

Let’s go back to the Sutta, I find MN8 is particularly inspiring for me as a new Dhamma student.

These 44 effacements in MN8 could be used as personal determinations. They have helped me along my path.

Effacement

“Now, Cunda, here effacement should be practised by you:

(1) ‘Others will be cruel; we shall not be cruel here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(2) ‘Others will kill living beings; we shall abstain from killing living beings here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(3) ‘Others will take what is not given; we shall abstain from taking what is not given here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(4) ‘Others will be uncelibate; we shall be celibate here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(5) ‘Others will speak falsehood; we shall abstain from false speech here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(6) ‘Others will speak maliciously; we shall abstain from malicious speech here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(7) ‘Others will speak harshly; we shall abstain from harsh speech here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(8) ‘Others will gossip; we shall abstain from gossip here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(9) ‘Others will be covetous; we shall be uncovetous here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(10) ‘Others will have ill will; we shall be without ill will here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(11) ‘Others will be of wrong view; we shall be of right view here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(12) ‘Others will be of wrong intention; we shall be of right intention here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(13) ‘Others will be of wrong speech; we shall be of right speech here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(14) ‘Others will be of wrong action; we shall be of right action here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(15) ‘Others will be of wrong livelihood; we shall be of right livelihood here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(16) ‘Others will be of wrong effort; we shall be of right effort here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(17) ‘Others will be of wrong mindfulness; we shall be of right mindfulness here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(18) ‘Others will be of wrong concentration; we shall be of right concentration here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(19) ‘Others will be of wrong knowledge; we shall be of right knowledge here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(20) ‘Others will be of wrong deliverance; we shall be of right deliverance here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(21) ‘Others will be overcome by sloth and torpor; we shall be free from sloth and torpor here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(22) ‘Others will be restless; we shall not be restless here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(23) ‘Others will be doubters; we shall go beyond doubt here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(24) ‘Others will be angry; we shall not be angry here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(25) ‘Others will be resentful; we shall not be resentful here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(26) ‘Others will be contemptuous; we shall not be contemptuous here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(27) ‘Others will be insolent; we shall not be insolent here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(28) ‘Others will be envious; we shall not be envious here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(29) ‘Others will be avaricious; we shall not be avaricious here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(30) ‘Others will be fraudulent; we shall not be fraudulent here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(31) ‘Others will be deceitful; we shall not be deceitful here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(32) ‘Others will be obstinate; we shall not be obstinate here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(33) ‘Others will be arrogant; we shall not be arrogant here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(34) ‘Others will be difficult to admonish; we shall be easy to admonish here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(35) ‘Others will have bad friends; we shall have good friends here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(36) ‘Others will be negligent; we shall be diligent here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(37) ‘Others will be faithless; we shall be faithful here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(38) ‘Others will be shameless; we shall be shameful here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(39) ‘Others will have no fear of wrongdoing; we shall be afraid of wrongdoing here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(40) ‘Others will be of little learning; we shall be of great learning here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(41) ‘Others will be lazy; we shall be energetic here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(42) ‘Others will be unmindful; we shall be established in mindfulness here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(43) ‘Others will lack wisdom; we shall possess wisdom here’: effacement should be practised thus.

(44) ‘Others will adhere to their own views, hold on to them tenaciously, and relinquish them with difficulty; we shall not adhere to our own views or hold on to them tenaciously, but shall relinquish them easily’: effacement should be practised thus.

In your case at work, it would be number 44:

“Others will adhere to their own views, hold on to them tenaciously, and relinquish them with difficulty; we shall not adhere to our own views or hold on to them tenaciously, but shall relinquish them easily”:effacement should be practised thus.

When you focus on your own wholesome determination and action, you will find a lot of joy in what you have achieved. You will see that other people’s shortcomings will be their own business and you won’t be so consumed by that.

In short: we tend our own garden.

Also, please keep in mind the advice is applicable in a spiritual setting and for the cultivation of peace. You are dealing with the world, the mundane. Sutta have their limitation. We have to rely on our own wisdom about the world to solve the problem in its context.

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Thank you. I’m gonna read these when I get home from work.

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Right view would be to reflect “So do others.”

The Buddha would advise compassion. They will reap the result of their own actions.

MN130

These dear beings did bad things by way of body, speech, and mind. They denounced the noble ones; they had wrong view; and they chose to act out of that wrong view. When their body broke up, after death, they were reborn in the ghost realm, the animal realm, or in a place of loss, a bad place, the underworld, hell.

Hmmmm. Other people do not necessarily have to appreciate what you do, even if you did it for their benefit! Even the Buddha was not exempt from people who misconstrued his actions and publicly reviled him. Cases in point - Sunakkhatta in MN 12, the householder in MN 87, the Kosambi monks in MN 48, Kd 10.2.2)… and many, many more.

Best practice here is what the Buddha does in AN 9.3 when his attendant Meghiya insists on doing something the Buddha does not agree with. Put forth what you think to be correct twice, if the other person does not agree… let it go. The consequences of their acts are on them. Your responsibility ends with showing the correct way (MN 107). You don’t need to stay either, you are free to leave (MN 48).

This “letting it go” is the hardest part! The world has conditioned us to feel responsible for everything. One needs to reflect that the situation as you see it is not a done thing. It is Anicca- an impermanent manifestation, dependent on causes and conditions. Having accepted the situation as it presents in the here and now, we strive to respond appropriately. However, we must keep in mind that our action is only one factor in how the situation moves… the actions of others, biological laws, physical laws etc. all play a part. Trying to hold on to the situation or move it according to how we personally want it to turn out is a recipe for Suffering. No matter what we might desire, the result is outside our direct control.. it is Anatta.

We need to make our peace with that.

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This may be an area where equanimity is a more skilful attitude than compassion. The kind of workplace attitude you are describing is quite common - ie. people not moving away from the incoming tide until the next wave has already washed over them. You’re not mistaken. Most people will care only enough to make the workplace function. Hey? At least people aren’t being micromanaged, right? It’s one or the other. For me, I’d rather have slightly incompetent coworkers who don’t preemptively avoid problems than a whole list of protocols from management which I have to abide by at all times. Hope that helps.

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Good day! Although we struggle from time to time with that kind of problems (even I find myself not knowing what to do), I’d like to share a pair of verses from the Dhammapada, which relate to your comment on “tending our own garden”:

Focus
not on the rudenesses of others
not on what they’ve done or left undone,
but on what you have and haven’t done yourself
-50*
*
If you focus on the errors of others,
constantly finding fault,
your effluents flourish.
You’re far from their ending.
-253

I hope this is helpful for you. May you all be at ease :folded_hands:

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