Happy to see folx resurrecting this thread … as I’m now seeing it for the first time. Gratitude 
for the OP.
As a lay Buddhist practitioner who identifies as straight & cisgender, I’ve noticed over the years a dearth of teaching on how accessing the six sense doors might differ experientially across the spectrum. As the commentaries and post-commentaries were largely composed by men, that is the only lens we’re using when it comes to some of our modern interpretations and teachings on the practice of sense restraint, yes? In particular, the sensual experience that supports people wanting physical, sexual contact in a kind of formulaic way.
Across the spectrum of sexual orientation and gender identification, especially in lay communities, I have to think the practice of sense restraint deserves a much broader discussion. Granted, this is likely restricted, for the most part, to in-person affinity groups with very specific ground rules for discussion. So, the limitations of a web-based forum come into play here. We tread in this discussion with great care. We are all learning how to have this discussion within the practice (noble 8fold path).
However, for this thread, I’ll now go straight to the point: My estrogen-filled body has never experienced much heightened interest when it comes to sight, scent, or getting lost in the associated fantasy. (Not so much estrogen as before … not complaining 
.) By contrast, physical touch is intriguing, as well as prolonged eye gazes. In progession there is concomitant desire and even fantasy for emotional intimacy. In fact, this fantasy for emotional intimacy claims my attention, eventually, much more than anything having to do with sexual intimacy.
In daily practice, this is where I keep the mindfulness radar active. I’m not claiming to represent a certain cross-section of the population here but I have found this to be true for lots of other people who identify similarly. Plainly, it is not solved by imagining someone else’s body as a bag of different kinds of beans and grains – I can’t fathom the Buddha said this as a one-size-fits-all approach. I mean, I’m happy he said it and I do reflect on the simile from time to time. But not so much for purposes of curing lustful thoughts and fantasy.
(I’m leaving out another entirely neglected area for lay practitioners re: the practice of sense restraint: food…not within scope of this thread.)
All of which leads me to go prepare for tonight’s Pali class. Guess what we’re reviewing! AN 1.1-10 (cittapariyādānavagga) 