Thanks for all the info about phenomenology. I did not know this.
My concern is: if i learn to see things this or that way, and that helps me to relax, open myself, become more burdenfree, does this mean that it must be truthful, or is it possible that i only deceive myself but still reap good fruits? Do you think this is possible?
I do not want to be involved in something that is mere trickery. For example, contemplating disgust i feel is trickery. Oke, it might work. But i will not do such things. And if i contemplate on endless samsara with so much suffering but i really have no clue about all this, for me, this also feels like trickery. It is like brainwashing myself, i feel. Unnatural.
I also do not see anicca, anatta, dukkha as wisdom, or seeing things as they are. I tend to see this as solely perceptions that contribute to becoming more dispassionate, more open-minded.
I also feel that if practice leads to being more and more in the head that is wrong practice. There is no liberation in the mental domain. This mental vinnana is a huge problem. A magician. So, i also feel that one must not make this mental domain so strong and makes ones abiding or home.
I tend to believe that such things as love, wisdom and compassion flow naturally in a totally open mind, in a pure unlimited mind but are not possessions of that mind. If one is interested in goodness, in wisdom, i feel, ones only task is to empty oneself completely and become just a an empty vessel.
I do not reject cultivation but i also do not believe that wisdom, love and compassion can really be cultivated. At best an idea/image of it. But i feel one cultivates wisdom, compassion, love naturally when one opens up gradually and removes what hinders one to open up (asava, tanha, kilesa, anusaya, samjoyana, hindrances). We do not have to worry that we lack wisdom, love, goodness. We only have to become empty vessels. For me that is also what a detached mind means.
Many people, i feel, develop the idea that they possess wisdom or insight etc. I feel that is only conceit.
Such things one cannot possess. Thats what it really means for me, to be without self and any possessions of self.