Inspiring upasikas
There were many very accomplished upasikas at the Buddha’s time.
AN 2.133 and AN4.176 about role models for upasikas:
“Bhikkhus, a female lay follower endowed with faith, rightly aspiring, should aspire thus: ‘May I become like the female lay followers Khujjuttarā and Veḷukaṇṭakī Nandamātā!’ This is the standard and criterion for my female lay disciples, that is, the female lay followers Khujjuttarā and Veḷukaṇṭakī Nandamātā.”
More suttas on Nandamata: AN 6.37 (her offerings) and AN 7.35 (her amazing qualities)
AN 5.64
“Bhikkhus, growing in five ways, a female noble disciple grows by a noble growth, and she absorbs the essence and the best of this life. What five? She grows in faith, virtuous behavior, learning, generosity, and wisdom. Growing in these five ways, a female noble disciple grows by a noble growth, and she absorbs the essence and the best of this life.”
She who grows in faith and virtuous behavior,
in wisdom, generosity, and learning—
such a virtuous female lay follower
absorbs for herself the essence of this life.
Quite often, it was the wifes who introduced their husbands to Buddhism and their devotion and wisdom kept their husbands and families on the right track. Some examples:
Queen Mallika teaches king Pasenadi about attachment to loved ones at MN87, before he was a Buddhist upasaka.
Nakulamata at AN 6.16
Now on that occasion the householder Nakulapitā was sick, afflicted, gravely ill. Then the housewife Nakulamātā said this to him: “Do not die full of concern, householder. To die full of concern is painful. To die full of concern has been criticized by the Blessed One.
(6) “It may be, householder, that you think thus: ‘Nakulamātā has not attained a foothold, a firm stand, assurance in this Dhamma and discipline; she has not crossed over doubt, gotten rid of bewilderment, attained self-confidence, and become independent of others in the Teacher’s teaching.’ But you should not look at the matter in this way. I am one of the Blessed One’s white-robed female lay disciples who have attained a foothold, … and become independent of others in the Teacher’s teaching. If anyone has any doubt or uncertainty about this, …
Then, while the householder Nakulapitā was being exhorted in this way by the housewife Nakulamātā, his ailment subsided on the spot. Nakulapitā recovered from that illness, and that is how his illness was abandoned.
A brahmin with a new wife without faith also looses faith:
MN 97
(Sāriputta:) “Friend, there is a brahmin named Dhānañjāni living at the Taṇḍulapāla Gate. Is that brahmin Dhānañjāni well and strong?” “That brahmin Dhānañjāni too is well and strong, friend.”
“Is he diligent, friend?” “How could he be diligent, friend? He plunders brahmin householders in the name of the king, and he plunders the king in the name of the brahmin householders. His wife, who had faith and came from a clan with faith, has died and he has taken another wife, a woman without faith who comes from a clan without faith.” “This is bad news that we hear, friend. It is bad news indeed to hear that the brahmin Dhānañjāni has become negligent.
A brahmin woman converts a brahmin student to Buddhism at MN 100. A woman of the same name converts her husband at SN 7.1 who then goes forth and becomes an arahant.
Prince Bodhi’s mother makes him go for refuge already when he is still in her womb at MN 85!
At SN 10.5, a mother encourages her son who is a bhikkhu and wants to disrobe, to keep living the holy life.
[Visakha apparently also converted her in-laws to Buddhism, but afaik that is a commentarial story.]
Upasikas chanting / quoting Dhamma and discussing deep dhamma questions, such as Nandamata at AN 7.35, and Kali:
AN 10.26
On one occasion the Venerable Mahākaccāna was dwelling among the people of Avantī on Mount Pavatta at Kuraraghara. Then the female lay follower Kāḷī of Kuraraghara approached him, paid homage to him, sat down to one side, and said to him: “Bhante, this was said by the Blessed One in ‘The Maidens’ Questions’:
“‘Having conquered the army of the pleasant and agreeable,
meditating alone, I discovered bliss,
the attainment of the goal, the peace of the heart.
Therefore I don’t form intimate ties with people,
nor does intimacy with anyone get a chance with me.’
“How, Bhante, is the meaning of this statement that the Blessed One spoke in brief to be seen in detail?”
“Some ascetics and brahmins, sister, for whom the attainment of the earth kasiṇa is supreme, generated it as their goal. The Blessed One directly knew to what extent the attainment of the earth kasiṇa is supreme. …
Various princesses asking questions of the Buddha: AN 5.31 Princess Sumana, AN 5.32 Princess Cundi
AN 1.258 ff contains an inspiring list of the foremost female lay disciples. Apparently, in the Chinese parallels, these lists are even much longer. So there’s a good reason to learn Chinese! 