Hello everyone. I have been reading the suttas and I am not sure what to make of all of this. I am married and I think it states married people cant have sex as it is sensual pleasure? I am unable to be a monk so does that mean I will not attain to nirvana/nibbana? The way I understand the Buddha saying Birth is no more, is that our selves don’t exist because we are made up of inconstant parts. Our emotions, feelings, bodies, thoughts, and stages of life? None of these are constant which means consciousness is not constant. So I would say we are the universe we are the IT so to speak?
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Hi and welcome 
Regarding sexual conduct, while the Buddha taught that celibacy was important and conducive to Dhamma practice and awakening, it was never prohibited for lay practitioners.
The third precept, for example, speaks about not engaging in sexual misconduct, such as adultery, for lay people.
True. Nothing to rely on here for unshakable peace and ease.
But this doesn’t mean there aren’t differences in characteristics between people and beings.
Combinations of processes that are ever-changing give rise to humans, plants, beings in the animal realm, etc. Dogs are not cats!
Depends how you mean this. We’re not the cosmos in an ontological sense, see DN1, but in another way, see SN35.23 and SN12.44
These teachings point to the “world” of conditional experiences in which the Dhamma is practiced.
And AN3.78 importantly clarifies that the practices can be assessed in this way:
" Then Venerable Ānanda went up to the Buddha, bowed, and sat down to one side. The Buddha said to him: “Ānanda, are all precepts and observances, lifestyles, and spiritual paths fruitful when taken as the essence?”
“This matter is not categorical, sir.”
“Well then, Ānanda, break it down.”
“Take the case of someone who cultivates precepts and observances, a lifestyle, and a spiritual path, taking this as the essence. If unskillful qualities grow while skillful qualities decline, that’s not fruitful. However, if unskillful qualities decline while skillful qualities grow, that is fruitful.”
We choose as best we can in ways that are wholesome and skillful, that lead ti the gradual diminishment of the hindrances and defilements while cultivating the beneficial and beautiful aspects of kindness, compassion, and wisdom. Step by step. See AN11.15
Also, see DN28, DN31, DN33 and many others.
Of course, much more could be said.
If you haven’t already done so, it’s important to find and practice with the guidance of an experienced teacher.
No one does this alone.
Hope this helps a bit!
Best wishes for your life and Dhamma practice!
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Thank you for your message. Since there are issues with all traditions of Buddhism and the EBT’s, how do you know who to seek out as a teacher in the Dharma? Also, can a lay practitioner attain to Nibbana?
Seeking out a teacher depends on which tradition of Buddhism appeals to you – examples are Zen, Tibetan, Insight, Thervadin, Pure Land.
You can read about them online and/or speak to people who are practicing in a particular tradition and then attend an introductory workshop when available.
Relating to a specific teacher depends on a number of factors, including how you relate to their personality and style of teaching. If you feel reasonably comfortable and interested, you can give it a try and see how it goes.
People should always free to leave if they wish.
In the Pāli suttas, some lay practitioners achieved Non-Returner awakening – not a small thing!
I think one or two became arahants, but on their deathbeds.
Sorry, can’t come up with the particular citations right now.
Lay practice is a legitimate aspect of the greater Sangha and many benefits for oneself and others can be realized with sincerity and dedication to the practice.
Which tradition do you practice?
Yes, in certain mahayana traditions lay people definitely attain to nibbana, just not parinibbana. As bodhisattva their vow is to remain and help others attain nibbana or parinibbana until such a time as everyone has.
Started out in Zen (a form of practice in the Mahayana) then moved to practice based on the Pāli suttas.
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That is what I am interested in. A practice based on authentic EBT’s. Are you a layman or monastic?
Not a monastic. Lay practice.
Regarding possible places to practice, better to IM me and we can discuss.
No way, Bro. Nibbana is for everyone who manage to achieve it. Nibbana is not a closed-club who open only for monk-robe-bearer. Being a monk does not guaranteed to be able to achieve the state of nibbana.
Being a Buddhist Monk does not give you an instant pass into Nirvana.
Not that I know what Nirvana is, but I guess it’s related to heaven in some shape or form.
The question everyone should ask themselves is, ‘Am I Earning Nirvanna?’
To which the ego will answer, ‘yes’
And you can then cocoon yourself within your bubble, and move forward without making any attempt to connect yourself with nature.
Which in my eyes is the mistake being made everywhere!
My ego isn’t typing this with me thinking I will make it into Nirvanna either.
I’m hoping my next life is as a hornet, they’re fast, large and pack one heck of a sting. 
Just do what feels right, and you wont go wrong, you’re only running the risk of distancing yourself from your wife and that’s not exactly a nice thing to do to somebody!
Sorry if my words come over blunt, I’m none to clever with words.