Dear Aoife,
Thank you for sharing your story…it touched my heart. Your honesty and courage is very moving. Find love towards one self and others is very difficult job. I have similar straggle. I apply techniques suggested by Ayya Khema. Unfortunately she passed away but she has written numerous wonderful books and she left many recorded guided metta medications. I use them most of the time for my progress. I feel very fortunate to find her teachings it is working wonders for me.
With metta. Alona😊
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