Dear Ayya @Vimala
I’m sadden to know what nuns have to go through! But as others have said, change is happening, please be patient .
I don’t know what you’ve seen or experienced nor do I know what are the monastic rules at Bodhinyana or at other places. I can only share with you what we had seen and witnessed while in Bodhinyana & Dhammasara Monastery last year. Here are just a few points to show there’re no discrimination at all, and maybe we should only focus on these positive points and forget about things that discourage us:
-The weekly teaching at Bhodhinyana is for monks & nuns. But the nuns decided to come only every other week, and the rest of the time they listen to the recording. Also, monthly, Ajahn Brahmali goes to Dhamasara to teach nuns.
-When the nuns arrived at Bodhinyana for Wednesday teaching, we saw that they would have tea and if they have something to ask/talk to the monks they would simply do so. During the talk, facing speaker, monks would sit on the left and nuns on the right. Behind them would be lay guests in similar fashion. As for nuns having to sit lower than monks we haven’t seen yet. For Friday night talk at Dhammaloka, whenever nuns decide to attend the talk they would sit at the same level as monks. Another detail just to show how Ajahn Brahm has absolutely no discrimination whatsoever toward the nuns. At the retreat in Jhana Grove, I witnessed a couple of time that Ajahn Brahm let a junior nun lead the morning & evening chanting.
-One occasion there was an interfaith meeting at Dhammasara, we were allowed to attend and saw that everybody: monks, nuns, priests….sit at the same table. Also, before and after the “conference” we saw monks and nuns talked to each other’s in a very friendly way. An interesting detail to note, when we asked Ajahn Brahm permission to attend but he said we should really ask the nuns since the meeting takes place at Dhammasara.
-On Pindapata, we haven’t seen monks and nuns on alms round at Bodhinyana but at Dhammasara we once saw a visiting monk from Bodhinyana took place according to seniority and placed himself so during Pindapata.
-At Bodhinyana & Dhammasara, monks & nuns only talk to each other when they have something to say. I believe they’re encouraged to restraint from chit chat and have limited access to internet (which is very good in my opinion). So, in general they don’t talk unnecessary to each other’s and not just only between monks & nuns.
I don’t know about nun touching tea-bag box and have to re-offer to monks. Sometime it’s just silly lay people acting that way and the monks and nuns did not bother to tell them anything because it’s unimportant. One time, at lunch time at Dhammasara, a nun came to the kitchen to “receive food”. After she finished “touching” every single plate on the table, including the soup. I thought it would be good for nuns to have hot soup so I took the bowl of soup to reheat it before taking it to the “nun’s dining room”. A lady in the kitchen said we have to re-offer the nun this soup. I was like…what? I offered it already, I just reheated it, why do I have to offer it again? I looked at the nun in disbelief, she calmly said it’s not a problem but still she’ll “receive it again”. You see, sometime it’s the lay people. I may be wrong here but is there a Vinaya covering this sort of incident?
Also, I don’t think it’s discriminatory to have separate monastery for monks and nuns. Going forth means learning and training on the path. Obstacles, desires and temptations are surely minefield for one to avoid. As one is on training, the less of the distractions would be beneficial to both monks and nuns. Not discrimination.
As for the fear of the “other”, it’s just my personal opinion, if monks avoiding nuns or females in general, perhaps we should see or understand may be these monks knowing their defilement and for them avoidance would be best course of action. I remember the story of venerable Ajahn Tate & Ajahn Chah, when facing with temptation (they were not enlighten at that time) they choose to avoid or “runaway”. For me that’s wisdom.
The life of a renunciant is very hard! I heard the rate of disrobing for monks at Bodhinyana (and other monasteries as well) is very high, especially for those under five rains, I believe it’s closed to 90%. My heart shank when I heard this. That is why, Ayya, any monk or nun who seriously wants to practice, who has the strength to remain in monastic life is worthy of revere and worthy of support.
I totally trust in Ajahn Chah’s teaching “If you do good, the result will be good”.
I wish, from the bottom of my heart, all the right conditions to practice for you and for all monks and nuns who wish to pursuit the noble path.