Buddhism has an enormous power to change society, yet conversations about it can be very off-putting. If you say “dhamma” or “mindfulness meditation” or “breathing in and out” to a friend here where I live, they will pack up their bags and move three states away. People aren’t even on board with dukkha, let alone Dhamma. How do we remedy this? I’d like to hear your most convincing sales pitch for Buddhism without using any Buddhist words.
Use your words too. Buddhism is also a Faith for many, as they interpret it. You can explain certain Dhamma principles to someone if they are ready. And if they are not, or won’t be, just be kind to them and they will in turn receive the blessing of your mindfulness, and in turn be kind to others. Perhaps that is where real Buddhism starts.
Well, let them move to Sydney, where they can find all that stuff literally embedded in the floor of Central station. They’ll love it!
AN8.30
“Good, good, Anuruddha! It’s good that you reflect on these thoughts of a great man: ‘This teaching is for those of few wishes, not those of many wishes. It’s for the contented, not those who lack contentment. It’s for the secluded, not those who enjoy company. It’s for the energetic, not the lazy. It’s for the mindful, not the unmindful. It’s for those with immersion, not those without immersion. It’s for the wise, not the witless.’ Well then, Anuruddha, you should also reflect on the following eighth thought of a great man: ‘This teaching is for those who don’t enjoy proliferating and don’t like to proliferate, not for those who enjoy proliferating and like to proliferate.’
I’d very much recommend saving my breath and finding new friends. On the one hand, the Buddha tells us to share the Dhamma with those we care about. But he is also clear that the Dhamma is not for everyone.
I agree, if people are befuddled by using “sankharas” and “dependent origination”, okay that seems reasonable. But if “breathing in and out” is too much for them, I wouldn’t really know where to start.
Mindfulness. Secular Mindfulness. MBSR. MBCT, shown to be very effective to prevent recurring severe depression.
Oh, that too is triggering to them. Wow.
I think the best you can do is to internalize dhamma inside you, then live your best dhammic life, then when people asked why are you so peaceful, you got your chance to share.
It takes a lot of skills and self censorship to share the dhamma discretely.
4 Noble truths:
problem, cause, end of problem, how to end problem.
Birth
Desire
Peace
Morality, stillness, wisdom.
It’s a bit like being at the first school again, some kids fully understand the teacher, whilst others (like myself) sit there forever confused…
I can try and answer, though I’m still learning the English words and have not made it over to any of the Buddhist words yet!
Periodically I’ll come across people who are stressed, depressed, angry or sad.
Maybe a rough day at work, perhaps a problem at home, I wont go on about how many reasons there could be.
I never approach anybody, it usually stems after a smile and verbal Hello.
Occasionally people will not return the greeting, but that doesn’t stop me being polite when passing people.
Most will smile back and say ‘Hello’, you kind of get a feeling when someone isn’t in a good place, yet they’ve made the effort to be polite, so I’ll then add something like, 'lovey day today (even if it’s raining) slight chill in the air (even though it’s hot) and the birds are (especially pigeons) sat on trees/roofs scouting for food.(which they do everyday of the year like clockwork)
This usually opens up dialogue, it doesn’t matter what the response is, because I know I can’t be of any help with the vast amount of problems people seem to of been brainwashed into having.
But it always leads me into saying about the energy, and how the energy we create in ourselves reflects itself onto the outside and into the real world, I’ll point out it works in reverse and when having a good day, good things happen around you, and when having a bad day, bad things happen around you. There is a lot more to this, but I don’t want to take up to much bandwidth.
I’ll then say my ‘Goodbyes’ the moment I see a thinking face!
(Though it’s always possible the thinking face I think I’m seeing, is actually one of regret having spoke with me in the first place. )
I used to listen to a problem and try to offer a solution, but this approach caused me trouble in the sense of forming an attachment, an attachment that felt like a burden when crossing paths in the future again.
Though I know nothing about Buddhism and scripture, I have read about the Buddha and his enlightenment/teachings. Within the last year I’ve found there are other people on this planet that may know a lot more about these teachings than I could ever imagine knowing, but I no longer see this planet full of greed, selfishness and ego, which all seem to cause the problems listed above with the people I meet.
So unfortunately I don’t know have a sales pitch…
Maybe talk to people in layman terms, don’t use words like Mindfulness and Meditation. People wont understand Breathing, not unless they’re asthmatic. They’ll just take Breathing for granted, and forgotten that they had never breathed when in the womb…
I only realised what ‘Meditation’ truly meant after reading things on here, though I have been doing it for years without knowing it had a label.
But mine is more of a walking meditation, and one that doesn’t end when I’ve finished my walk, in my mind I’m forever walking.
To stop people packing up their bags and moving 3 states away, maybe try talking to them without using the names, Mindfulness, Dharmar etc.
I’m not even sure what ‘Mindfulness’ means if I’m to be totally honest, it’s one of those words that has only sprung up in the last recent years, and I’m yet to research it, but I’ve a feeling it’s closely related to ‘Awareness?’…
Anyway, just in case, (and it’s highly possible) I’ve misinterpreted your question completely and gone off on a total waffle, in that case I will just add, ‘let the conversation come to you, and then use the weather and nature to guide you down the path containing stressful obstacles’
Indeed, that’s the best! The less you try to convince people, the more they’ll reach out.
Thanks, that’s really lovely. You really catch the spirit, that the purpose of Dhamma is happiness.
If a person brings up something they are struggling with, or working on, and I give a Buddhist perspective or practice that can lead to a constructive conversation. I think it is because I’m trying to help them with something they brought up, not trying to convince them anything about Buddhism.
The other thing that sometimes starts a good conversation is when I tell people I’m going to the Buddhist monastery near here for a week. That is enough outside their experience that they’ll get curious and they’ll start asking questions.
When I talk to people from other religions or belief systems I always base conversations on common ground. I always look for similarities rather than pointing out differences. That worked well so far. I had some great conversations over the years.
So called friends who move on = safe travels my friends. I lost a lot over the years and had to accept that our journeys are different.
BUT Dhamma opens the heart and gives the opportunity to meet great people who also have an open heart and things move on.
I’m not selling Buddhism just trying to keep on the Noble 8 Fold Path, keep precepts etc and this often makes people curious and they start asking questions.
To me, a sales pitch is the process of persuading someone to buy something. I don’t see the Dhamma in those terms, so I can’t come up with a sales pitch for it. I see the Dhamma more as a teaching that invites those with less dust in their eyes to come and see for themselves.
When it comes to actually teaching Dhamma, whatever approach I’d use would be individualized, based upon assessment of my conversation partner’s knowledge, wisdom, interest, etc. Using speech to praise wholesome qualities like generosity, virtue, truth, respect, effort, patience, etc. is a simple way to point toward the direction of Dhamma without using Buddhist concepts; this can be done in many situations and often in subtle ways.
@mheadley I’m so sorry to hear that. I have plenty of meaningful and heart-felt conversations with people using this language.
Occasionally I even slip in a pāli word or two to reinforce I’m not making this all up.
Not only do people not pack up their bags; they want to hang out with me. I become a bright light in their lives.
At the end of one of Bhikkhu Bodhi’s eloquent introductions to Buddhism, someone asked, “Can you out it all in a nutshell?”
In his ever gentle and patient manner, he offered these words:
Sales pitch for Buddhism, without any Buddhist words, take two:
Meditation means you have to hold consciousness by itself.
(Gaitonde, Mohan [2017]. Self – Love: The Original Dream [Shri Nisargadatta Maharaj’s Direct Pointers to Reality])
Given a presence of mind that can “hold consciousness by itself”, activity in the body begins to coordinate by virtue of the sense of place associated with consciousness. A relationship between the free location of consciousness and activity in the body comes forward, and as that relationship comes forward, practice occurs. Through such practice, the placement of consciousness is manifested in the activity of the body.
Activity can also take place solely by virtue of the free location of consciousness. A relationship between the freedom of consciousness and the automatic activity of the body comes forward, and as that relationship comes forward, practice occurs. Through such practice, the placement of consciousness is manifested as the activity of the body.
The first paragraph concerns the first three rupa jhanas, the second the fourth.
True enough that I would never begin with the above paragraphs, in an elevator conversation. Maybe, though, if I was in an elevator with “Discuss and DIscover” participants?
For those who might think I’m discussing a personal practice, I offer the following:
When you find your place where you are, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. When you find your way at this moment, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point…
(Eihei Dogen, “Genjo Koan [Actualizing the Fundamental Point]”, tr. Tanahashi)
I think of the Rhinoceros sutra, SN 1.3:
We praise companionship
— yes!
Those on a par, or better,
should be chosen as friends.
If they’re not to be found,
living faultlessly,
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.
If people don’t understand the Dharma, then there should be no need to proselytize! As you said, we ought to live our best life according to the path. People will see our peace and calm and come to the Dharma themselves.
Don’t believe a word I say… Not if but when people Express The Ways in which they are suffering, That’s my first cue To look after this heart If possible.
I attempt to apply the lessons to Rahula Regarding an iterative Process of considering the beneficial or non beneficial results of actions, especially concerning the words Which might come out of my mouth next.
I’ve had most success With asking people What success they’ve had to alleviate their suffering; I tend towards the hyper cautious in this instance- If someone is mentioning an ailment And I have capacity, I Will attempt to be with, That person, And my own reaction to their Words Instead of jumping in to offer a solution.
I’ve noticed that holding back my responses Can give the person the space to Articulate. Often times What the person has expressed about their ailment Having been given this space, I try and open up to instead of going into solution finding mode. I know it’s not pragmatic However when I hear a story about rounds of doctors and chronic pain I tend to get upset. I like to try and flip the switch on this upset before I might do something (which includes talking or thinking about solutions). I try and find some sort of equilibrium And try to notice if some sort of equilibrium has been found by the person I am speaking with before approaching again, if i do aproach again at all.
I’ve had success with pre-formulating Possible approaches ( Which I attempt to direct in a hyper cautious way) Along the lines of. " I understand that what you’ve spoken about is personal and it sounds painful, And please tell me straight away if you don’t want me to ask any questions about this or talk about it again and I won’t. Can I please Ask a question about the specific thing that you mentioned?
I get pissed off when I hear people,( My voice included) Offerering Solutions they themselves have not applied. For example Pilates is really good for your back; How did it do for your back? Oh I haven’t done it, I’ve just heard that it’s good for your back.
Offering advice is precarious, Even more so than asking questions about pain/suffering. Increasing the level of caution from hypercaution to Critical caution Is what I attempt in this scenario.
Pre-formulated response- "Is it okay if I talk about what you mentioned before? Please say no If it’s inappropriate or uncomfortable. This is not advice or a suggestion This is just what I think And what I’ve had experience with And it is implausible that our experiences are the same or even similar. I have had limited success with the use of method X To alleviate this particular form of suffering. If you would like Some more information about How success might happen for you to alleviate your particular ailment I can tell you about how I had success Or I can Point you in the direction of someone who there seems to be exvidence to suggest they know what they are talking about.
As mentioned above, The attempt to saturate with caution Is there, However today when mentioning pain relief to a colleague My Approach was quite Swift and gentle and well received When I politely ask the question if this person had tried a TENS machine.
If the minimum benefit I can be to someone who has an ailment is to not make things worse, I’d like to be content with that. Consistently Not making things worse is plausible However in my opinion verging on impossible.
I followed my teacher’s advice on this And I find it extremely important and a trap which I slip back into If I’m not hyper cautious. My teacher said “DON’T teach” The above mentioned Doesn’t fit into this category As I am expressing my own experience And not presenting it as a recommendation or directions.
I think that I am more of an absurd human being If I’m directing another person In a process or activity Which I myself am only barely competent on On occasion.
I hope this is of benefit. Please don’t hesitate to contact regarding anything else.
Sahdu
My wife used to get uncomfortable if I mentioned the Buddha or start talking about Buddhism, so I stopped doing it. Instead I would reframe things I want to say as my own opinion or belief.
I noticed, however, something very strange happening. She starts adopting some of the beliefs that I would say are very close to my own. She starts talking about gratitude, compassion, kindness and so on. All of it without me doing anything to push her towards it. It feels almost supernatural, as if she is absorbing it through the air.
Perhaps the key is to let go of the desire to preach.
Besides, there is no real need to use buddhist-specific terminology. Forget the dhamma and dukkha. If you say “we will both get get old and sick and that scares me”, you are basically restating the 1st nolbe truth!
Now I “sell” buddhism by example. Development in the path has external benefits that other can catch upon, so if by this they ask me what I do, then I will explain.
Talking about Dhamma requires special conditions to be fruitious.
Well I’m not a Buddhist so I wouldn’t approach anyone with a Buddhist sales pitch in mind … but I do deal with a lot of people with problems and most of the time, what I find they actually want is to be heard and want you to agree that ‘yeah that sucks’ …. then they want empathy (not sympathy) and to know you feel compassion for them.
If their situation is self inflicted, they want to hear that it’s ok to make mistakes, that none of us are perfect, and words about forgiving themselves for being fallible like the rest of us. They want some guilt, shame, regret etc alleviated.
Only after all of that, will they start to become receptive to advice tacked on the end … but even that needs to come across softly. If it comes across as an instruction like do this, do that, and it will all be cool, they will tend to pull back … so it has to be more like, ‘ you know what you might find helpful’ … or ‘ I find when I feel like that, if I do x,y,z, it really helps me’. Or even hey, do u think you would be willing to do something with me … and then literally talk them thru breathing while doing it with them, maybe instructing them on bringing their breath down to the belly, wait a few then maybe add in dropping their shoulders, … wait a few talk them thru changing the cadence bit by bit … but don’t bombarded them with it all at once … just one step, then another step, … maybe throw some simple visualisation in if it’s going well … almost like tricking them in to relaxing lol
If they have not had an insight of all the suffering they don’t want to hear things like that, … that is more likely to inspire a sense of hopelessness instead of helpfulness to someone not familiar with such a concept.
I find people - especially women - don’t actually want a practical logical solution thrown at them … it makes them feel ‘unheard’, - and mostly men have a tendency to do that - jump straight in to problem solving fix it mode when women often just want to vent and feel caring emotions. That often fixes stuff on an emotional level better than an instruction manual. Once the emotional needs are met … then u can sneak some practical or logical ‘fix it / solution’ concepts in there - but not straight off the bat.
I can understand when people see peace and solutions in the dharma they want to share that as their way of caring, but if the person isn’t a Buddhist the concepts can come across foreign, weird, and like proselytism.
Just my 2 cents from someone who has a different approach.
… and yep men, we usually really don’t want you fixing our stuff … we want you to let us vent and try to make us feel better instead lol
There are some people tho that identify with their misery, turning every mole hill in to a mountain, seeking the attention and care they crave, but doing it soooo prolifically and in a negative way (like a way of life) that no one can seem to sustain trying to support them indefinitely. They literally wantto snuggle up with their misery …. and it’s rare imo that you can ever help those people in any lasting way. That’s my observations anyway - maybe someone else knows how to deal with those types.