“What would you do if you found out your girlfriend was your father in a past life?”
“What would you do if you found out your boyfriend was your mother in a past life?”
Would you still love them? Would you break up, or would you love them even more—but without the physical intimacy?
From my understanding, if a husband and wife indulge in sexual pleasure and become excessively attached, they might be reborn as mother and child in a next life. If the habit of lust remains too strong, it could even lead to unintentional incest. There have been many such accounts told, which I believe is why some people feel a sense of ‘samvega’ (spiritual urgency or disgust) toward the cycle of reincarnation. This realization often leads them to seek liberation as monks or nuns.
I’ve read that when the Buddha recalled his past lives, he felt a similar sense of disillusionment and detachment.
I seem to recall a sutta or Vinaya story about an incident of incest but I’m not finding it. Samvega was the point, as I recall. Anyone remember where it is?
There’s AN5.55 where a mother and son both ordain and then commit incest. But I also remember something in the vinaya—not sure if it’s about the same people, though.
There is a girl who loves me deeply and is very attached to me. I’ve told her that I don’t want a girlfriend or to get married. After a month of silence, my teacher told me that in a past life, she was a man and a friend of mine. Now, I can’t even see her as a woman anymore. How can I guide her toward the Buddha’s teachings? The difficulty is that she doesn’t believe in reincarnation.
According to the Buddha, there is no being in the entire universe that has not been our mother, our father, our sister, our brother, our friend, or our enemy … and likely not just one time in this endless saṁsāra. See for example SN15.1 or other suttas of the 15th Samyutta (more specifically even SN15.14 – SN15.19).
I understand. I don’t believe in romantic love anymore; I see it as just lust. Real love is wanting someone to be happy without needing to be part of that happiness yourself. If I want them to be mine, that’s just lust and attachment, right?"
Well, the best way is to lead by example. Work on being more kind, generous, easily contented, etc… Speak up in praise of such good qualities… Don’t try to force people to convert!
A common problem! I wouldn’t mention any of these theories or beliefs to her! These things are just for you, to help you grow.
The main thing is to set and keep boundaries. If they can respect your boundaries then you can have a healthy, even good, friendship with them.
All, please be sure to reserve personal practice, personal experiences, and recommendations for private messages, to the extent possible. This forum is not structured to help people process personal dilemmas. This doesn’t discount their importance. Thank you.
Yeah, I believe I must liberate myself first before I can help others. I can’t help anyone if I haven’t found my own freedom. I will fulfill my duties but remain detached, thanks.
