Masculinity and femininity

Hi There,

There is the masculine element in the mind. This masculine element is very much about taking control actively, effort, wanting to change things, to take action, now! The masculine element hears someone complaints, sorrows, fears, and immediately thinks…please be no victim, please DO something.
It can hardly just listen. It always wants to act and stimulate action. It is also like pushing. A pushing will power. This i have very much.

But i am sure that the mind also need the feminine element for balance. This is more the element of acceptance, it does not want to act upon things immediately and change things and take controll. It is loving and wise. The feminine element hears someones fears, burdens, and does not judge. Just listens. It welcomes. It is like it just accepts. Really now i write this i feel how nice it is. I honour it. It heals, it is healing.

While the masculine elements always gives in return that things are wrong, bad and must be changed, the feminine element is more empathic, accepting, welcoming.

Buddha only reached enlightment when his masculine element joined forces with the feminine element. The feminine element was able to see Mara’s army, the inner demons, with love, with care with wisdom, with friendly eyes, as it were. The masculine element is not able to this it. It wants war. It always wants to battle everything.

The masculine element is like this: it enjoys when it can be the first to pass a crossing even when it is dangerous for the other person. The feminine element enjoys to wait for a moment and let to other pass first.

While Buddha joined forces with the feminine element that was the time when the inner demons really became nullified. No masculinity is able to do this because battling things makes them stronger.

While the Buddha joined the forces Mara’s arrows became flowers. Only wisdom and love is able to do this. The joined forces of the masculine and feminine elements. Nibbana is in this sense also this balance.

I feel, we must not exagerate the role of the masculine element. This kind of will power is limited. It needs to join forces. Unfortunately masculinity is very much the sphere in the sutta’s or even dominant in religion and spiritual traditions. It is heavily over-estimated, i believe.

This is really no theory. So many people have experienced or experience that battling people, emotions, tendencies, being at war, does not work. One needs acceptance, love, for all what comes into existence. For example, when one tries to battle fears they become even stronger. But when one start to see fear as normal, humane, accepts it, put light on it, does not fight it, then things start to change.

kind regards


There are these elements in the mind, which are wholesome and unwholesome. They are not inherent to any particular genders. It is culture and society which overlays the ideas that masculinity is aggressive, critical and violent. This narrative around masculinity serves no one.

A narrative of masculine as protector, courageous or willing to sustain effort in the face of adversity is equally valid, and there are many more wholesome qualities within traditional archetypes which we can use, regardless of biological sex or gender. Being able to recognise compassion, acceptance or love within one’s masculine aspect is also possible. People who are physically strong have a responsibility to use their physical strength wholesomely and the same goes for financial, intellectual, emotional or verbal strength. When they do not, conflict and suffering arises.

It can be useful to have this kind of personal exploration such as you appear to be doing. It’s wonderful that you experience a sense of healing in this process. To acknowledge our own situation is the beginning of being able to transcend it.

The Buddha encouraged us to cultivate the wholesome and abandon the unwholesome. He asked us to take responsibility for our actions. His is not a doctrine of inaction. This means doing, opening up to experience and letting go. He did not say this was the work of a specific gender. All genders are capable of enlightenment.


Thanks @Pasana.

I see what you mean. I do not know exactly what is culture and nature. But from my personal observation males tend easily to agression, fighting, murder, dominance, they want to conquer.
I see this in nature to. And protecting a group, family, country, interests, or position in the group and using violence, force and agression goes often hand in hand.

If on a crossing a male sees someone arriving, the male want to go first. Even when this means that the other person is a bit at risk. He enjoys this. He enjoys that power. A woman enjoys that she can let the other go first. Yes, I know this is a huge generalisation but if i see this happening, i almost sure there is a male in the car. And if someone treats me friendly, as a vulnerable biker on the streets, if i am cared for, it is a woman. This s law of nature :slight_smile: Oke i am a bit exagerating.

I did not at all want to suggest that Buddha had a doctrine of inaction but for me it is clear that he only reached enlightment when he saw the power and use of being inactive and not intervening in the mind but treating all with love and wisdom as mere transient, empty and non-substantial.

I think one cannot reach enlightment when one does not stop to intervene in the mind and always is intent on changing its content, changing what it feels, thinks etc.

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I feel this world is sick with humans who are doing so their best. I am also sick of ambitions, goals, strategies,very sick. Everyone lives under great pressure doing so his/her best.

We are so doing our best for country, Buddha, God, boss, ourselvesm collegeuss’s, at work, at school, socializing, in the Dhamma, endless. We are so brainwashed with the idea that doing our utmost best will make us happy, will change the world and prooves that we are really good persons(meaning we really feel bad persons).

I have contemplated this and started to see that my tendency to do my best, for example to do friendly, to comfort, to make people have a good time etc. is hopelessly failing. It does not feel good anymore.
Not as some goal, as strategy, as plan, as intention. Brrr…

I also have seen that is not really good will. It circles very much around conceit, fear, expactations, desires, wishes, controll, lack of openess, all kinds of inabilities. It is also not really authentic.

I do not mean that one must be impulsive or do whatever comes in mind but what is wrong with letting go all those plans, goals, targets, strategies, intentions?

I have seen this is oke, and can be trusted. One believes that one must be without wisdom, love, compassion, friendliness when one is not full of strategies, plans, goals, but the opposite is really true.

The world and ones own world becomes a mess because we always have so much plans, goals, targets, strategies. We think that this is good, but i think this is a mistake.

I have seen: we are just scared, very scared and that is all. We are just really only scared to drop all these targets, goals, plans, strivings, because…who or what are we without??? Help!
No controll!

It is really always only about taking control. Wanting to be in control. It is never about real goodness, love, wisdom, compassion. We are just extremly scared to let go, and relate to everything and everyone in an open way. Thats all.

Brrr…scary world, scary feelings, scary others, scary situations, scary suffering, scary pain, scary loss, scary …

Oke, I am also scary :slight_smile:

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I think male and female is just conditional, dependent on the current state of earthly beings. It isn’t ultimate, like nibbana. We easily could have been asexually reproducing (reproduction with no partner). (Relatively) far into the future, x and y chromosomes will make no sense to earthly beings. Or we may need 3 partners to create offspring hypothetically. It’s inevitable material beings will change to that degree. This is a comment on the so called definitive biological sex itself, not even gender. The traits you proposed are associated with certain genders, although certain sexes do certainly have them more on average, and I agree it can be useful to question if you’re becoming attached to your masculinity/femininity/neuter, making you afraid of having wholesome feminine/masculine/non-neuter traits.

Well there’s phallic and then there’s yonic:

noun: yoni; plural noun: yonis

  1. the vulva, especially as a symbol of divine procreative energy conventionally represented by a circular stone.

(copy-pasted from google)

which makes me wonder whether there is some implied feminine quality to yoniso manasikara :slight_smile: maybe you’re onto something :stuck_out_tongue:


I am on to even more delusion :slight_smile:

Just to be clear: For me this has nothing to do with gender. For me it are two aspects of the same mind. Jung refered to it as animus and anima.

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Masculinity or feminity are at the beginning certain aspects of this body. When we cling to the body, we identify it as “me, mine”.

When you focus on your masculinity or feminity, you seek out pleasures in other people’s bodies, the opposite gender or a mix of it.

In this way, we are bound to lust and self-identification.

Be it a man, woman, transgender, it’s all the same disgusting stuff. It’s all bound to pain, sickness and death. It’s not what we are.