I wanted to clarify some things.
“Incessant pessimism” isn’t a fair way to characterize the tone of the teachings. The truth is, I like sense pleasures. I enjoy having money to buy unnecessary things, and sex is fun. But would I be happier if I reduced my need for temporary pleasures, and found motivation elsewhere? Yes. That’s where I want to be eventually, equipped to eagerly perform selfless action not rooted in selfish needs.
One of the most chilling quotes I read from the Bible was Isaiah 45.7 (ESV): “I form light and create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity; I am the Lord, who does all these things.” That’s bloody terrifying if such a god actually exist. There are likely brilliant theologians somewhere who can rationalize the apparent cruelty of the Abrahamic God, but, admittedly, I haven’t looked further into it.
If you have similar seeker experiences, or critiques, I welcome them.