Prose is direct and suitable for precise, clear renderings. But poetry is inspirational and fun!
Translating poetry into poetry is a real challenge, and nowadays very few verse translations get much attention.
Please share your favorite translations of Pāḷi verse that render the target translation into verse (poetry)!
Preferably, the Pāḷi text is poetry that is part of the four main nikāyas or early books of the Khuddaka Nikāya (Dhammapada, Udāna, Itivuttaka, Suttanipāta, Thera-Therīgāthā).
And if there are particular reasons why you enjoy the translation you share, let us know!
I’ve found Therīgāthā translations by Rhys Davids powerful and inspirational.
For example, Dantīkātherīgāthā:
Coming from noonday-rest on Vulture’s Peak,
I saw an elephant, his bathe performed,
Forth from the river issue. And a man,
Taking his goad, bade the great creature stretch
His foot: ‘Give me thy foot!’ The elephant
Obeyed, and to his neck the driver sprang.
I saw the untamed tamed, I saw him bent
To master’s will; and marking inwardly,
I passed into the forest depths and there
I’ faith I trained and ordered all my heart.
And for some shameless interjection, I try to translate bits of verse into metric english with rhymes:
For hate is never quelled by hate,
Hate only feeds the hateful state.
Hatelessness alone ends the fight;
This is the ancient, timeless right.
Diligence is the deathless ground,
Negligence leads where death is found;
The mindful ones, they never die,
But heedless souls, as if dead, lie.
I enjoyed translating the song of Pañcasikhā, a case where both metre and rhyme seem called for!
For you, my heart is full of passion,
I’m in an besotted state of mind.
There is no going back, I’m just not able,
I’m like a fish that’s hooked up on the line.
The Way Things Really Are- Translated by Lesley Fowler Lebkowicz & Tamara Ditrich & Primoz Pecenko is a translation of the Aṭṭhakavagga of SNP which uses Australian colloquialisms (though not too Aussie). I haven’t had a good look at it in a few years, or compared the Pali, but I know a few monastics who are also quite fond of it as a source of inspiration.
As I understand *zealous / ardent" meaning in ātāpi is metaphorical, like how we call someone’s fiery, fierce, etc; it’s particularly an interesting choice in original due to the contrast of rain / fire, so I wanted to bring that out, and stretching the viharati to “Fire is my abode”.
Yes, the verse has a nice comparison between the raging elements (rain) and a house’s shelter (cf Dhammapada 13-14), as well as the quenching rain and the burning zeal.
It’s a fun exercise though!