Thanks for your question. I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Hopefully you will be able to find a good outcome. Here are some of my thoughts on the issue.
It is a very common understanding that suicide is always wrong because it breaches the first precept. But the precepts are only an approximation to morality. To fully understand the Buddhist idea of morality, you need to take motivation and intention into account. Motivation is about where we are coming from, what the motive is that drives an action. If this motive is unwholesome, then the kamma is bad and the action is immoral. If, however, your motive is wholesome, your kamma is good and there is no problem with the action. This argument is all based on the suttas, by the way.
So you need to investigate your motivation. This can be tricky, but the general principle is that you should be motivated by kindness and compassion, including kindness towards yourself. On top of that, your mind should be as clear as possible. If you are confident that you are motivated by these qualities, then you will not be making any bad kamma, in fact, you might even be making good kamma. The trickiest part is delusion. You should be as clear as possible that you do not have hidden motivations that might be leading you astray. So make such a decision with care, and by observing your motivation over a long period of time. Then you will be in the best possible position to make a good decision.
Also, it is important to consult with your closest family to make sure you are not hurting anyone unnecessarily. If they understand what you are doing, they are more likely to be able to cope well with the consequences of your actions. We all have to die. And doing so after careful consultation may sometimes be a better than dying when people don’t expected it. Careful planning may have some unexpected benefits.
Just to be absolutely clear, I am not advocating that you should or should not do this. All I can do is tell you the laws of kamma as I best understand them. Only you can know your own mind, and so you will have make the decision.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
Yes, this is an important point. We cannot wait until our motivation is 100% pure. Rather we have to act on motivations that are as pure as possible. In this way we are gradually moving towards greater purity. With practice, we may eventually act from complete purity, but it does take a lot of mental development. In the meantime, the kamma we produce will come in different shades of grey. Our job is to make those shades as light as possible.
I don’t know if he chose. It seems to me that others chose for him. If he had been able to communicate, who knows what he would have decided.
Yes, but it is nuanced. If you break a leg, you go to a doctor to get it sorted. You are very unlikely to just let it be, simply because you want to avoid acting on craving. It is often perfectly fine to avoid unnecessary pain. Even the Buddha did this.
I think I can see where you are coming from, but at the same time I feel it is an important topic. To enable a subtle understanding of kamma and morality, it is useful to discuss these borderline issues.
Yes, such decisions need to be taken with great care. But I do not feel I am in a position to tell anyone what they should do. Only they can know their own mind. There is so much stigma around suicide, but Buddhism actually does have a nuanced position on this. I think it is important we bring these nuances into the open. I believe monastics often are afraid of talking openly about this, since they are concerned about a potential pārājika offence. But as long as we give general advice based on the Dhamma, and do not specifically advise anyone to commit suicide, then there is no problem. It does become a problem, however, if fear stops us from teaching the Dhamma properly. (I do not mean to imply that this is your problem, Venerable. I am merely stating this as a general observation.)
As for aversion towards pain, it is not really an issue. We always act on such aversion, even the Buddha did. What we need to be careful about is the aversion not segueing into ill will.