So this is satire, presumably poking fun at our modern take on Buddhism. Is it then to be read as supporting the ideal of Buddhist monasticism? Or is the idea to wake people up to the danger of too much faith?
If it can be read in the latter sense, I would suggest is should be read in the former.
What I found amusing about it was that the humor depended on the hilarious idea that the Buddha should take a reasonable and moderate approach to using material possessions, which, with due allowance for the satire, is basically what he actually did.
Nobody does satire better than the Onion. Good stuff.
Of course, if the Buddha had some of these things, it’d be great to see monks and nuns today on tudong or pindabaht with a nice copper tea kettle clanging against the alms bowl, never mind the flute.
Many monastics will now be your friends for life.
Monk in the forest thinking: “Jhanas tonight, or maybe some Jethro Tull?” 
I think so. It’s quite common, and I’ve even heard it in Dhamma talks, at least here in the US in ‘lay Vipassana sanghas’ to ‘excuse’ all kinds of behavior, indulgences, acquisitions etc by saying “well, I’m not attached to” whatever it is, or even “it’s not about desire, it’s about clinging”, etc.
I love to way it progressed from practical items to a carving of a monkey 
I really like the final note
Seriously, why suffer?
Which - to me, makes the entire article stand as a call to support Buddhist monasticism - i.e. if the Buddha made it out of suffering it was not by luck but because of his practice total renunciation to ownership, Relinquishing and giving up.
i too felt it could be a sarcastic and demonstrably absurdist response to those who disregard or belittle the importance of renunciation
funny it dedicates a good share of text spoken on behalf of the Buddha to possession of reading and writing implements
You do realise that The Onion is satire, don’t you?
Here’s my favourite Onion article…
Isn’t anāthapiṇḍikassa ārāme meaning Anāthapiṇḍika’s Park (Bodhi - AN 5.1 e.g.) or “private park owned by Anāthapiṇḍika” (Nizamis - SN 12.61 e.g.)?
Those who have been raised on Sister Uppalavanna’s translation “park offered by Anāthapiṇḍika”, might still believe that Buddha did possess more than three robes and a bowl. 
I’ve been reading the Onion since about 1996, so I know how they cover news stories that just can’t be found in other, lesser publications…
One of my favorites on the threat of secret Buddhist cells in the West:
That is one of their best!
One of my personal favorites -
1920
The 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is passed, leading many prominent lawmakers to wonder what more these shrill harpies could possibly want out of them
Always gives me a giggle!
My favorite article goes back to 1996: The International Yogi Competition.