Good luck on your translations!
Just a quick point about your example: “If they make a bad choice, consciousness goes to a bad place.”
I like your thoughts on upaga and vinnana. Awareness as vinnana may not be that bad, although consciousness seems to work fine. At times it also seems like sanna could be awareness. In “the cessation of perception and feeling” for example, or in DN1 speaking about different types of wrong view about “immortal perception”. In English one doesn’t really say that.
It’s more understandable, but what would be a “imperturbable choice” then? How can you make a choice in such a state of mind?
The concept of sankhara seems much broader than choice, as it includes just will in general. I’d say even the anusaya (“underlying tendencies”) fall under them, because these also lead to the rebirth of consciousness, so must be included in sankhara in dependent arising.
I also think unmeritorious is not too obscure, especially in Buddhist circles.
In lack of a better word for sankhara I like “activities” in general. So just a quick draft:
“If he does an unmeritorious act, consciousness goes to a place in accordance with that.”
Just my thoughts.