I’ll be driving to Gampo Abbey next week, close to my home but Ive only visited the stupa once some years back. I’m just looking to walk the grounds as they invite people to do - retreats are either too expensive for me or get filled up too quick, and it seems like I dont have the opportunity to take time off parenting to attend something like these.
How can I make the most of my visit? Ive never been to a retreat or had face-to-face meetings with monastics. I’m not going there to try and receive anything from them, but I wouldn’t mind building a relationship with the sangha there - what ways are appropriate other than an official retreat?
Otherwise, what advice would you give to someone that’s never been around the culture? Do I avoid looking at people? Do I bow? Should I leave to go somewhere else if monastics are around? Should I just focus on my walking meditation and ignore everything else? Can I bring a jar of instant coffee as an offering (do I find someone to offer it to, or do I leave it somewhere?)? Is this too small or inappropriate to offer something like this?
I want to appreciate the monastics that I live close to, regardless of lineage. I’d like to get into a routine of showing up, but not if I’ve been warned not to “insert behavior that I was ignorant about”, I’ll melt and never be seen again!
If it was a Theravada monastery I’d say find out when their main meal is and visit then, but this sounds like it might be vajrayana/mahayana so just going during visiting hours is enough. Yes to taking a gift/offering. If you don’t see anyone you can probably leave the jar on or near the shrine. It will be understood as an offering. Coffee is a great choice.
If you want to bow, then bow. Not everyone did in the suttas. Even to the Buddha. If you see someone you can smile and, if you wish, make anjali towards them. If there are male monastics on their own, they might not wish to talk to you without a third person.
If you are in a visitors area then you should be fine to continue walking or sitting even if a monastic (of any gender) comes near. If they need the area for something they’ll let you know.
Dress modestly, covering shoulders to knees, even if it’s hot. Men reading this. This applies to you too.
I know that as Buddhist converts we can worry about offending people, but if the monastery is in the West then they should be pretty open and forgiving of minor blunders. Even monastery to monastery things can be quite different.
There will almost certainly be signs. So many signs. It sounds like you will be naturally inclined to read and follow them. Don’t worry! They will be set up to deal with ignorant thoughtless people. Someone who is trying to be good should have a very easy time.
If they do point out anything, you should treat it as them caring about you and wanting you to be a part of the scene. If they didn’t care, they wouldn’t mention anything.
If you do talk to anyone, I would lead with the fact that you live close by. Gampo probably has more connected neighbors than most monasteries outside Asia, but you will still likely be seen as different than the regular passers by.
You could also ask them if they need help sweeping anything or any other chores. They probably won’t have anything, but it will establish you as someone who is not just interested in getting something from them. Assuming you would like to make that offer.
To clarify… I meant literal paper signs plastered everywhere. For folks that have lived for a long time in western monasteries, it’s almost a punch line. There is nothing trivial enough that it can’t be used to justify a sign.
