Becoming a non-returner is the ideal for all lay followers:
A faithful layman would rightly aspire: ‘May I be like the householder Citta and Hatthaka of Aḷavī!’ These are a standard and a measure for my male lay disciples, that is, the householder Citta and Hatthaka of Aḷavī.
A faithful laywoman would rightly aspire: ‘May I be like the laywomen Khujjuttarā and Veḷukaṇṭakī, Nanda’s mother!’ These are a standard and a measure for my female lay disciples, that is, the laywomen Khujjuttarā and Veḷukaṇṭakī, Nanda’s mother.” - AN 4.176
Citta is a non-returner:
“But householder, how long have you been a lay follower?” “It’s been thirty years, sir.” “But householder, in these thirty years have you achieved any superhuman distinction in knowledge and vision worthy of the noble ones, a meditation at ease?” “How, sir, could I not? For whenever I want, quite secluded from sensual pleasures, secluded from unskillful qualities, I enter and remain in the first absorption, which has the rapture and bliss born of seclusion, while placing the mind and keeping it connected. And whenever I want, as the placing of the mind and keeping it connected are stilled … I enter and remain in the second absorption. And whenever I want, with the fading away of rapture … I enter and remain in the third absorption. And whenever I want, giving up pleasure and pain … I enter and remain in the fourth absorption. If I pass away before the Buddha, it wouldn’t be surprising if the Buddha declares of me: ‘The householder Citta is bound by no fetter that might return him to this world.’” - SN 41.9
Hatthaka died a non-returner:
Hatthaka has gone to the Aviha realm - AN 3.127
The Aviha Realm is one of the Pure Abodes where only non-returners can be reborn into:
See The 31 Planes of Existence
Khujjuttara it appears was not a non-returner but Nanda’s mother was.
“Sir, this is not my only incredible and amazing quality; there is another. Of the five lower fetters taught by the Buddha, I don’t see any that I haven’t given up.” “It’s incredible, Nanda’s Mother, it’s amazing!”
Then Venerable Sāriputta educated, encouraged, fired up, and inspired Nanda’s Mother with a Dhamma talk, after which he got up from his seat and left. - AN 7.53
“Let be the good Gotama, let be the monks, let be the nuns. But has the good Gotama even one layfollower who is a disciple, a householder clothed in white, a Brahma-farer who, by the utter destruction of the five fetters binding to this lower (shore) is of spontaneous uprising, one who has attained nibbāna there and is not liable to return from that world?” “Not merely a hundred, Vaccha, nor two, three, four or five hundred, but far more are those layfollowers, disciples of mine, householders clothed in white, Brahma-farers, who by the utter destruction of the five fetters binding to this lower (shore), are of spontaneous uprising, those who have attained nibbāna there and are not liable to return from that world.” - MN 73
As for the householder protocol,
I will tell you how-acting
one becomes a good disciple,
since the entire monk-practice
can’t be managed by those wealthy in property.Laying aside violence toward all living creatures,
both the firm & unfirm in the world,
one should not kill a living being, nor have it killed,
nor condone killing by others.Then the disciple should avoid
consciously (taking) what’s not given,
—anything, anywhere—
should not have it taken
nor condone its taking.
He should avoid all (taking of) what’s not given.The observant person should avoid uncelibate behavior
like a pit of glowing embers.
But if he’s incapable of celibate behavior,
he should not transgress with the wife of another. - Snp 2.14
So it seems the Buddha encouraged lay-people to eliminate sensual desire but understood that not all lay-people would.