What does one do when they have destroyed everything they care about in a few days by accident? Acknowledge, forgive and learn. How does a human do this? Obviously it wants to exist so it creates itself by causing its self more suffering. So. Why do I want to… I’m fine. Can anyone teach me how to forgive instantly? Please, any suttas recommended?
Buddha taught about eight worldly conditions.
Loss of wealth is one of those factors.
Your post looks almost like a riddle in that it is rather intriguing, i will try answering. On forgiveness i would say that it comes into play when it is sought after and is to be given if the person clearly acknowledges his error, that is how i understand the concept of forgiveness.
If one posed a question “how do i forgive someone for my own peace of mind” i would assume that we herein acknowledge that we are carrying a grudge of sorts or are otherwise upset and angry eventhough we realize that it is unpleasant and we are looking to fix that by the act of forgiving as one would forgive a debt, freeing oneself from the state of being owed to.
So how would one do that? I think it will require one to look at the situation differently but after re-evaluating a situation one might or might not be free from the sense of entitlement in case of being owed or from the grudge of being hurt.
In case of being owed money, one might come to see that actually a mistake was made and you aren’t actually owed the money. Same with being hurt, one might see that there is no blame on the one we are looking to forgive.
However the problem we run into occurs when we think that we have a legitimate reason to be upset. Herein forgiving a person is going to be akin to trying to convince yourself that the person not paying you back didn’t actually take out a loan, knowing full well that they did take out a loan and are in debt to that extent.
So how do we get out of this situation, what is the escape from anger in this case?
The answer i would give in brief is that one needs to examine the very foundation for the supposed ‘legitimate reason to be upset’ and consider whether or not such reason could even exist. If one was to contemplate this and realize that indeed i see no basis legitimizing the carrying of a grudge, then that is good.
In short this is where Dhamma comes into play and one who knew that escape would be expected to remove the fetters altogether.
That knowledge is based on understanding phenomena to be non-self, understanding how phenomena come into play and discerning the appropriate consideration in regards to that which one can think about.
Let go off trying to make relationships right. They’re messy, and that’s the reality.
But, be as kind as you can!
With yourself and others!
Since you’re probably feeling pretty down right about now, I’d recommend whatever suttas inspire you. Perhaps the first section of the vinaya or something from the Majjhima Nikaya or perhaps some poetry from the Khuddakanikaya… whatever you feel like!
@Vattha, it’s hard to tell from your post, but perhaps you’ve been engaging in some self-sabotaging behaviors? If you’ve jettisoned a relationship impulsively, or quit a job impulsively, you may need to look at the reasons for these unskillful behaviors that are bringing you and others in your life harm. These behaviors are common, and well identified. See 4 Signs You're Self-Sabotaging (+ How to Stop) | Talkspace , for example.
Your question called for advice on forgiveness. With that, I go immediately to the practice of Metta. In fact, at the end of the article cited above there is this comment: " Challenge your way of thinking and your behaviors while remembering to be kind to yourself. Instead of being your own worst enemy, why not be your own best friend?" This is really a reflection on the practice of Metta. Try this article on for size, and see if it helps: Five ways to forgive yourself and let go of painful regret - Wildmind
Take a very important hour and maybe sit with this talk, and see if you see more clearly, and start to feel better: https://youtu.be/osF367UzUMo
The Buddha said ‘no one is solely praised, no one is solely blamed’ and that expecting 100% praise is an impossibility. Knowing this, stop predicating one’s happiness on other people’s inaccurate assumptions, as they cannot know the whole story about you.
That helped a lot. Thank you.
Cheers in advance bhikku, I may take a look in.a bit,
Extreme like. Thank you
Did the Buddha say ‘live surrounded by people’, or did he praise seclusion?
Last time I saw my big boss monk, he gave me extreme praise! I did not expect it, it was Ajahn Brahm.
how did that make you feel!
I can’t describe it with words.
Or won’t. I’m sorry.
Like I was just behaving correctly?
When disaster hits by my own accidental doing, I reflect on kamma to gain equanimity. But 1st I surround myself w/ absolute compassion.
to establish equanimity i find the following line of reasoning to work quite well (primarily off mn140, mn43, mn62, sn22.55);
A person consists of six elements:
- that which is solid, hard and has the property of hardness (bones, ligaments etc etc)
- that which is liquid, watery and has the property of a fluid (saliva, blood etc etc)
- that which is fiery, burning and has the property of heating (digestive fires, fiery reactions productive of heat etc etc)
- that which is windy, airy and has the property of blowing (breath, winds in the stomach etc etc)
- that which is space and has spatial property (holes, tubes etc etc)
- that which is called consciousness, called thus because it cognizes, cognizes pleasant, unpleasant or neither-pleasant-nor-unpleasant.
This is true for this and that person, the elements in and of themselves do not get angry, do not hold a grudge but that which is called consciousness is also called ‘mind or intellect’ because what one cognizes (as pleasant or unpleasant etc) that is also perceived in detail & particulars (blue, white, etc), is felt as sensory impression (on account of the eye, the nose, the intellect etc) and is thought about.
A mind pure and unblemished knows earth as earth, liquid as liquid, fire as fire, wind as wind, space as space, consciousness as consciousness, it does not conceive of things that aren’t true about these elements and does not grasp at them with wrong view. A purified intellect herein does not have delusion about the nature of these phenomena, it knows these phenomena to be compounded and created, it knows them to be impermanent, changing and to that extent stressful and not-self, not under one’s control. Therefore therein it does not occur in regards to phenomena; ‘This is me, this is mine, this is what i am; may i be thus, may i be otherwise, may this occur to me’.
However because mind’s faculty of knowledge can be corrupted, an element of Delusion therein can be discerned, on account of which phenomena are grasped by wrong view and it does occur in the world, for this of that person; ‘This is me, this is mine, this is what i am; may i be thus, may i be otherwise, may this occur to me’.
Being thus inclined there arises relishing in regards to particular transient phenomena cognized as pleasant and there comes to be anger, lamentation and resistance to that which is cognized as unplesant.
The elements in and of themselves are not angry but anger is in and by itself to be discerned as an element on account of which there arise elements of ill-will and cruelty.
The elements in and of themselves can be internal or external, self-referable or otherwise referable. The soil outdoors, the ocean, the cold northern winds, or a forest fire are also merely elements of earth, water, fire, wind and they do not get angry, do not get upset by harsh speech or violence, they are perfectly equanimous and this is how i should train myself and in regards to all transient phenomena i shall think; ‘This is not me, this is not mine, this is not what i am; it should not be, it should not occur to me’