Hi Coemgenu
So I know you’re kidding around here… 
And I applaud your humour 
and also thank you for it. 
And I’m also taking my hat off to your translation because I wouldn’t really know where to even begin with such an endeavour!
But I hope you don’t mind if I take your translation, and your question, as inspiration. I would like to link to another topic here and attempt to answer your question as if it were serious! You have got me reflecting on something that I normally process implicitly and I want to give you credit for being the one to stimulate a more explicit verbal response! Also, I think, even though you have asked in jest, this is a question asked by many and so perhaps it might be nice to try to share my current answer to it. 
With many thanks and much metta 