I was referring to Ven Vimalanyani’s posts. But I’ll stop commenting here now. The issue Ven Vimala raised is worth discussions and efforts to resolve, but the off-shoots seem to turn an unpleasant turn.
My apology for that.
With metta,
Dheerayupa
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But why assume that’s what I’ve done?
I agree, speculating and expecting isn’t, but learning from what happens with the intention of using it to support growth in a wholesome direction is.
Anyway, the main purpose of my message (given the point you’ve picked up on, I guess it may have been overly obscure) was to observe that a lot of people, coming from a lot of different contexts and perspectives easily run into a lot of reasonable reasons to become upset when adventuring into this territory. In turn, I’d suggest figuring out how to approach things in such a way that is oriented towards soothing (but not issue avoiding) rather than aggravating is a task worth pausing on. No small feat, takes a lot of skill.
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My opinion is that it’s already been “fixed” by some brave monks who spared none in going against their own lineage to make this marvelous change to happen, - bringing all things together and letting it go! 
That’s what is important, and also what is worth pointing back to, when one strive to further develop it in the teachings and minds of individuals. It just gonna take a little more time …
One seldom hears about the good stuff, but I find my own pieces here and there, and are grateful for every teaching available by anybody 
… and not highly relevant for someone who just does not see “soothing” as the thing to pursue in all circumstances, irrespective of the unique nature and specifics of the issue at hand. And in as much as people’s emotional responses may be flawed, one’s rationalisation and contextualisation of such responses may be even more flawed! For, regarding “soothing” as an ultimate solution to all aggravation is just as equally born of emotional attachment; similar to a baby that will grasp hold of its mother irrespective of whether she was a delivered saint or a serial killer! While at the same time, aggravation is not always born of people’s blindness, but is sometimes, and often, inherent in the very nature of the situation, and takes for its right response something other than soothing, or at least other than whatever it is that one wants! Aside from that discussing here the abstract philosophy of responding to aggravation is blatantly off topic, I’d suggest caution, on the other hand, lest one taints the reality and actuality of the experience of others with one’s own limited (and often deplorable) understanding and passion. No small feat, takes a lot of skill, and also a lot of “humility” that is rare to find upon this earth at present.
Some like soothing!
They stay with the baby until he sleeps!
Some like to go out at night and do crazy stuff.
They leave the baby at home with a soothing person!!
But where are we here?
Is this a cozy home,
Or is it wilderness?!
And whether it stays what it is?!
[hmmm! Nice poem!]
The idea that laypeople should “raise the awareness” of monks regarding nuns issues is not unacceptable in principle, for it is possible that a layperson may know about the monastic experience more than a renunciate man! But it depends what kind of monastic one is and what kind of layperson they are; and it is not inconceivable that, likewise, a layperson may also “raise the awareness” of nuns as to the extent by which devotion to renunciation is required, for example, among other things! So, there can be no generalisations of this nature here; and it is such generalisations that are unacceptable, and in principle! What matters rather is that such proposition, along with the reference to laypeople’s “influence on sangha”; at least opens the path wide open to the “polarisation” of some laypeople, and at worst guarantees such polarisation. All of which, in point of truth, mirrors in exactness that kind of polarisation exercised on and by laypeople against those monks who endeavour to support bhikkhunis for example! And alas! Because on the other hand, from the further shore, we have the Buddha as an example to remember and follow, calling upon the king to maintain his support for monastics of another religion, and even as they did not stop reviling him for a moment!
Friend @Dheerayupa allow me to assure you that many experienced renunciate monks who practice non-attachment don’t have a clue about how to handle accusations directed specifically at their behaviours by people they don’t know well or in whom they don’t confide, let alone on a public online forum! And this being the case even if those criticised behaviours are quite easily explainable and understandable to themselves and others! Meaningful and purposeful criticism must in principle be founded on compassion, done with care and sensitivity, and if it involves known persons, then must be private. The Vinaya prescribes that it must also be done with view of the benefit of the other rather than just that of oneself. Public criticisms lacking these standards will weigh heavily on those who constitute the object of criticism (which often happens to be nuns just as well!), and will have negative effects and ramifications on them personally and on their collective experience and their relationships with the laypeople who support them. Which is what Ayya Vimala was talking about in the first place (though not so clearly expressed!); a mental attitude, rather than entities of people.
Friend @Dheerayupa thanks for your posts here and please do not be negatively affected by your interactions here. If it means anything to you I’d say that your posts were amongst the most reasonable and sense-making to me on this thread, and most probably just as well to the many others who are reading and will read this thread in the future but will not participate in this forum to express their appreciation, support, and encouragement to you. Thank you.
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Dear Venerable,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I will do the best I can as a layperson.
Sadhu!
Dheerayupa
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It’s disappointing and mystifying to me that this thread has gone in the direction of a ‘witch-hunt’ of particular monks at Bodhinyana. This is entirely antithetical to the point the OP was making.
I saw the mention of Bodhinyana as merely an example about a much larger, widespread issue. The point is that even the monks at Bodhinyana (one of the most progressive, highly educated and compassionate monasteries) are still influenced by these latent biases and predjudices. Why? Who is to blame?
All of us. We are all a part of this structure that insidiously reinforces the superiority of the male to the female. And it’s inside all of us too, just as it’s in those monks. It’s just the little things (as Ayya Vimala has already mentioned) that indicate this is still the case.
True we have already come so far. And we have great monks like Ajahn Brahm, Bhante Sujato, Ajahn Brahmali, Ven. Analayo etc who have helped with that. But for those who’ve been out there and seen what it’s like, have little dust in their eyes and can tell you: we’ve still got a ways to go.
What can you do now?
Educate yourself.
Make supporting and LISTENING to nuns a priority to you.
Look very closely at your own biases. Do you prefer visiting the monks’ monastery? Are you happier when you see a monk on the seat giving a talk over a nun? Be aware of that.
Let’s not be divided or weaken ourselves by hunting down individuals or pointing fingers. Let’s be strong by questioning the structures that reinforce these wrong views and changing the only thing we really can… Ourselves.
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This is what it is from your perspective, which very unfortunately continues to exclude other perspectives even as I have carefully attempted to explain them above. That which is from your perspective a passing-by insignificant example, means something more than just that from the perspective of others; to the extent that it can be even more important than the main issue being discussed. It is possible, it is not difficult, to at least accept the reality of that situation, if you will!
If I was to come here and speak in a post about [what I believe to be] certain prominent problematic behaviours of nuns (nearly all of them without exception!!), and in the process, mention those residing in one specific nunnery as an example - I wonder, what would be the reaction then, including particularly from those who are affiliated with this nunnery, and whether I should be surprised, “disappointed and mystified”, when they pay attention to what I said about this particular nunnery more than what I was talking about in general; which is not even the case here anyways; and it is not true that …
… because in as much as mention of Bodhinyana came in passing, our comments about such mention comes also in passing; and if there is any reason discussing the mentioning of Bodhinyana is gaining increasing space it is only because there is need to explain, again and again, and perhaps endlessly, why it was problematic. Which is strange because one would expect that to be self-explanatory, to the extent of not have happened in the first place. But surely this was not the sole thing that participants have attended to here. And what of the other matters that are directly related to the subject matter and which we’ve brought up? Have they been even addressed? Well, Ayya Vimala has deigned to give me a like on an earlier post; I guess I should be satisfied with that! But it is noteworthy that, throughout this conversation and thus far, the input of the author of the OP is no where to be found, aside from what has been already stated in the OP and another post. So …
So yes! We aught to look into our own selves without any doubt; but we aught also to learn how to arrange our priorities in the right order, friend Cara. And where for you listening to nuns aught to be made our priority, to me learning to observe and to do something about one’s own exclusionist perspectives is far more significant; because just that, is moha. And alas, for there is only so little time, and so little attention, that man or woman have access to in one lifetime, and with which to attend to all those things as really matter in human existence; all the more reason one must really know what should come before and what comes after, in a long list of urgent priorities.
Metta
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And, further, friend Cara,
This is unfortunately a “wrong” question, even according to a strictly Buddhist concept of justice! This question does not take us a single step further from identifying the causes merely on a symptomatic level. It does not help us in the slightest to truly understand, let alone transcend, the phenomenon under investigation; and all such question does is pave the way smooth and nice toward condemnation, hatred and punishment; precisely, destruction and ruination upon the earth! The question “who is to blame” is itself a form of discrimination, yes, indeed, when looked at with Dharmic eyes! And I have observed, I have noticed, I have seen, that this question has been frequently asked by villains(!), and that the simplistic, miserable answer to it was so readily and easily supplied, just before a destructive, violent, and precisely unjust act has been perpetrated in the name of justice and rightness. Alas!
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Dear Venerable Dhammarakkhita,
I would see this completely different.
This question of Cara seems to me to be a completely rhetoric question, the answer to which is obviously: No one! No one in particular! To me this means the exact opposite of what you seem to read here.
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Friend @sabbamitta, as you noted, that’s not how I understood Cara’s question. Nor do I find such interpretation of it so self-evident, in the event that indeed was Cara’s intention.
Thank you.
Added:
In fact , an answer to the question is provided in the following paragraph in Cara’s post, and an unsatisfactory one in my view:
I’m afraid I don’t feel guilty of any such thing! Nor do I find the question really useful as I explained earlier.
You are right that there is an answer provided. Maybe, words like blame or guilty are really a bit unfortunate in such a context.
To me, there are patterns of the sort described here pervading in a subtle way all human societies, to a bigger or lesser extent, or sometimes grosser, sometimes more subtle, whether we are aware of that or not. And we all have been brought up in one of these societies, haven’t we? What it takes in my opinion is an active effort to become aware of these things and to find more appropriate and wholesome ways of dealing with them. This is not done in just a few days. And there’s no one in particular to blame—if we use this word—for the existence of these things.
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Is the way it is an obstacle for enlightenment?
This is the most important question here. Another question of the same series: Is “fixing” a society brings one closer to enlightenment? 
I can tell one thing: every sansaric involvement is an obstacle for enlightenment. Every one of them, however benign it may seem. Isn’t it clearly visible in so many suttas?
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Clearly, if you are so bogged down that you feel disrobing is the best option, then it must be an obstacle to enlightenement.
Unless we start to think that being a lay person is a better option than being part of the sangha…
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Hasn’t it been so, like, since the beginning? For both genders? A path of a recluse is not for comfort and pleasure, is it?
There are male western bhikkhus who disrobe, because they can’t fit into eastern monasteries and meet lots of obstacles locals do not have. I don’t see calls for reformation of eastern culture and state policies because of it for some reason.
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Not sure this is comparable, so to me this doesn’t help finding a solution.
Mind you, I didn’t comment much on this thread because I don’t think my contribution would help.
Instead I’ve taken the decision to make my (still too small) monthly donations directly to bhikkuni support, because that’s the way I can do something useful about the matter.
As for the rest, we shall see, but surely, we do all wish the best to bhikkuni’s just at to every other human beings on this planet, as well as other living creatures, no matter their size or shape, right?
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I’ve read the op several times, and I find nothing in it that I haven’t myself encountered in my ordinary life as a male, home or out being busy making it … I could insert me, and man, and lay practitioner, and come to the same conclusion, so there is nothing to actually quarrel about - its the way it is!
And after many years of being pushed here and there, one couldn’t take anymore - stumbled over this remarkable teaching and teachers, and could for the first time feel and see that it was all a matter of my own making, but what a great artist this is!
It’s not a feeling of being a free male, but the feeling of not having to be pushed around by anything and become something at all
And I could easily tell some pretty scary anecdotes about experiencing a serious monk being pressed to his limits by gangs of crazy women, but I won’t off course … 
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I guess I should go and take this kind of approach with African population that live in France and feel everyday the burden of being treated as different albeit they are French just as much as I am.
Of course from the warmth of my office, all is good. When I go around on a stroll in town, all is good. I can go anywhere and nothing bad ever happens to me.
But may be that’s because I’m a tall white male.
May be I’ve no idea what sexual harrasment is because I’m generally of the gender that is harrassing, so likelyhood I get on the receiving hand is small if not simply inexistent (in my current conditions).
Just as I can’t appreciate how going across Paris on foot wearing black hoody is a differnet experience whether I have a pale or dark skin.
So, may be it’s the way it is, but I will not let my own conditions blind me from others conditions and dependently arisen suffering.
Sure enough I can’t fix the world, but I can try to have a clear un-biased look at it 
.
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Do you think they feel the warmth of this fire inside you, and do you think that a fire like that will lead to cooling by holding on to it?
I’ve been working taking care for people like that, but this is not on topic, so I don’t find any short cuts further down this alley
Great. I’m glad you do. And I wish I could do more of this myself. Really.
So, let’s forget above the previous answer I made and let’s look back at the OP.
I still think (sorry about that, can’t help it !) that putting statements such as the one I picked on before (but I’ll quote it again below) is actually bang-on with the OP.
That’s putting another brick in the wall.
Most likely not intentionally, and I accept that, but simply denying that there could be a problem that we don’t see or understand is not going to help anyone.
Sabbe sattā sukhitā hontu.
Sabbe sattā sabba-dukkhā pamuccantu.
Sabbe sattā laddha-sampattito mā vigacchantu.
Sabbe sattā kammassakā kamma-dāyādā kamma-yonī kamma-bandhū kamma-paṭisaraṇā. Yaṁ kammaṁ karissanti kalyāṇaṁ vā pāpakaṁ vātassa dāyādā bhavissanti.
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