Thanks for the wonderful video and corresponding challenge. You found a really tough one for an EBT match. Especially with marriage and self! Had me really search to find the truth heard in the talk. At first I thought it might be aversion. But that didn’t quite fit. Then I thought it might be practicing to benefit oneself vs others. But that didn’t fit. Finally, I came up with this from MN51:
From suffering in three marriages:
One person mortifies themselves, committed to the practice of mortifying themselves.
One person doesn’t mortify either themselves or others, committed to the practice of not mortifying themselves or others.
I’d be curious to see what EBT’s others might find that resonate here.
Identifying one’s personal reaction patterns.
"While you are doing a bodily action, you should reflect on it: ‘This bodily action I am doing — is it leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Is it an unskillful bodily action, with painful consequences, painful results?’ If, on reflection, you know that it is leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both… you should give it up. But if on reflection you know that it is not… you may continue with it. [MN61](http://"While you are doing a bodily action, you should reflect on it: ‘This bodily action I am doing — is it leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Is it an unskillful bodily action, with painful consequences, painful results?’ If, on reflection, you know that it is leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both… you should give it up. But if on reflection you know that it is not… you may continue with it.)
And working on them: Vitakka santana sutta.
Universal metta, including oneself :
We will meditate spreading a heart of love to that person. And with them as a basis, we will meditate spreading a heart full of love to everyone in the world—abundant, expansive, limitless, free of enmity and ill will.’ That’s how you should train. SuttaCentral
We take the five aggregate of internal and expernal as onself.
For instnace we take our partner, children, the country, etc as ourselves.
But when the external self lety you down you grasph the internal as your self.
Buddha mainly talk about the internal five aggregate because people are strogly attached to the internal.
What happen to the lady in this video is that she was burned by the external five aggreagate and she took the refuge of internal.
I think this is even more dangerous. She appeears to be quite attactive to her age and it appears she still can have a relationship. What she has not seen is the sickness and old age. When this happen she might hate the internal five aggregate as well. Ath that point she will seeks the refuge of something else. It could be drugs, suiside or even become very spiritual depend on her outlook.
What is Buddha’s advise is any form of clinging aggregate is Dukkha whether it is internal or external.
I too was wondering about this given the title “Marrying yourself”. I think she perhaps had aversion to herself and suffered through that in her marriages, perhaps by subordinating her own thoughts and actions to the desires and expectations of others. That would be mortification of self.
The hopeful note is that she seems to have arrived at not mortifying herself or others. I still am uncomfortable with the notion of “marrying your self”. It does seem like a dangerous solution. That cobra has fangs.
It seems to me that she was promoting self love before seeking the love of another, as far too many often do.
AHA! That is IT! SN3.4
Those who do good things by way of body, speech, and mind do love themselves. Even though they may say: “I don’t love myself”, they do really.
Why is that?
It’s because they treat themselves like a loved one. That’s why they do love themselves.’”
Yay! I think we have a sutta for marrying yourself!
Thank you. I will add “love myself” to SCV Examples.
…which has the famous phrase “…seized by the terminator.”
Radiating love towards oneself is common Visuddhimagga onwards. The EBTs includes everything impartially.
I totally missed that. Thanks, Mat!