I had a dilemma for a long time and I need your help please.
I’m from India, 29 years and belong to a conventional Indian family, staying with my parents.
Since last 4 years, I have wished to renounce my conventional life and go somewhere to meditate deeply (vipassana meditation). Its a calling, a constant calling.
Two years back I told my parents but they were shattered to hear this, they were shocked and broken. Since then I quietly resumed my life. They are also concerned about their future, as they are not fully financially independent and may need my help, but it’s not like if I renounce, they cannot manage, they can definitely manage by cutting a few corners, they can live without my financial help, they have that much savings. I have been contributing to the house expenses heavily, almost all my salary so that their savings remain intact. Its like they have enough to live for another 10 years, but what after that if I’m not there. It’s very tricky.
They are concerned about their old age and future. My parents are both in 60s.
Every now and then I deeply wish to renounce and pursue deep meditation. I get confused, is my role to serve them by being there by keeping them financially secure and being there for them in their old age, but this is not contributing to their mind at all, or is my role to uncover wisdom within so that I can inspire them to do the same for their own self.
Should I be there for them in the next few years and once they are no more, then pursue my meditation or should I renounce right now, and walk the path of wisdom so that I can inspire them to believe in and uncover the wisdom inside themselves?
Its an either / or situation.
Either I keep them comfortable in conventional life, and let them move to their next life, or should I challenge myself right now so that even they can challenge themselves spiritually. (they are not that inclined towards spiritual progress)
What is my role as a son?
This is a constant dilemma every day of my life for last many years. I am neither here nor there. I can’t fully function in the conventional life also because of this. Which way should I go, or is there any middle way?
Please help me.
Kind and humble request.