Sigh.
Hello, my dear community. Recently I stumbled upon a dilemma which I can’t solve on my own.
I have a feeling that each time when I discover something inspiring, immediately after I discover that this practice is not for my level.
To give a few examples:
- When I started to do anapanasati I quickly discover that this practice is too hard for me to do, since my mind can’t sit with such subtle object as breath. Then I recalled that about 10 years ago I practiced metta meditation, which gave me a lot of satisfaction, so I jumped right in. It just feels good. My mind is tranquil, happy, joyful, sometimes even serene and concentrated.
Several weeks after I discover that the way I do it (spacious increase, e.g. my apartment, entire building block, city, country, etc.) is claimed as after-jhana-only level in Vissudhimaga and also by some famous teachers. - Then I read about the six recollections. Again, I was inspired and realized that both Buddha- and deva- anussati give me much joy and energy. It is just like my mind find a pleasant object which is blameless, and then it is much more easier to concentrate on it. Again, happiness and joy arise, but then…
First I see that some people say that this is sotapanna-level-only practice, since only them have unshakeable confidence in Triple Gem and ideal generosity and virtue.
I decided to check it for myself and what I see in (AN6.25):
“Mendicants, there are these six topics for recollection. What six?
Firstly, a noble disciple recollects the Realized One: ‘That Blessed One is perfected …
So apparently, this is true, recollections are for stream entry and upwards.
But then the questions rises:
What can non-attainer even practice?
Sila and dana? Sure, but those are claimed as a way to heaven, not to stream entry, since it lacks wisdom element.
Brahmaviharas? Nope, jhana first.
Recollections? Stream entry please.
Satipathanna? Too advanced for householder as me.
And it becomes even trickier for me when I look at the descriptions of the lowest levels of noble persons (SN55.24):
Take another person who doesn’t have experiential confidence in the Buddha … the teaching … the Saṅgha … They don’t have laughing wisdom or swift wisdom, nor are they endowed with freedom. Still, they have these qualities: the faculties of faith, energy, mindfulness, immersion, and wisdom. And they have a degree of faith and love for the Buddha. This person, too, doesn’t go to hell, the animal realm, and the ghost realm. They don’t go to places of loss, bad places, the underworld.
But hove can I develop my faith if I can’t even do recollections, since it is for sotapanna? How can I develop faith, energy, mindfulness, immersion, and wisdom if the only tools that I have is virtue, generosity and guarding of the five senses (?).
I don’t really understand this. I feel like there must be practices to develop mind to the level of sotapanna but I every time I see something which I think I can do well enough, I read it is above my level.
You can say that four factors of stream entry is what it should be, but in (SN55.5) we read:
“Good, good, Sāriputta! For the factors of stream-entry are associating with true persons, listening to the true teaching, rational application of mind, and practicing in line with the teaching.
So what is is this then?
I love my Brahmavihara and Ansussati practice and don’t want to leave it, but don’t know what to do now.
My special hope is that someone of venerable monastics could help me with this, but of course, every opinion is welcome !