Seeking guidance and motivation after placing too much importance on a single text

[Invo]

This passage is inauthenthic. There is already topic on that where you can read Bhante Analayo great article about it:

MA116 (AN8.51), Mahāpajāpatī’s Going Forth, by Anālayo

Anālayo, “Mahāpajāpatī’s Going Forth in the Madhyama-āgama”, Journal of Buddhist Ethics, 2011, vol. 18 pp. 268–317. analayo MA116 [AN8.51] mahapajapati.pdf (721.8 KB) MA116, AN8.51 (Source)

So you can rest easily, these are not the words of the Buddha.

With metta