To compound my confusion, in MN8 we get a list of skillful qualities, and some of these seem quite exacting. Not the sort of qualities that we might expect from people who are puthujanna to be of help with, let alone non-Buddhists.
Others will be cruel, but here we will not be cruel.’
‘Others will kill living creatures, but here we will not kill living creatures.’
‘Others will steal, but here we will not steal.’
‘Others will be unchaste, but here we will not be unchaste.’
‘Others will lie, but here we will not lie.’
‘Others will speak divisively, but here we will not speak divisively.’
‘Others will speak harshly, but here we will not speak harshly.’
‘Others will talk nonsense, but here we will not talk nonsense.’
‘Others will be covetous, but here we will not be covetous.’
‘Others will have ill will, but here we will not have ill will.’
‘Others will have wrong view, but here we will have right view.’
‘Others will have wrong thought, but here we will have right thought.’
‘Others will have wrong speech, but here we will have right speech.’
‘Others will have wrong action, but here we will have right action.’
‘Others will have wrong livelihood, but here we will have right livelihood.’
‘Others will have wrong effort, but here we will have right effort.’
‘Others will have wrong mindfulness, but here we will have right mindfulness.’
‘Others will have wrong immersion, but here we will have right immersion.’
‘Others will have wrong knowledge, but here we will have right knowledge.’
‘Others will have wrong freedom, but here we will have right freedom.’
‘Others will be overcome with dullness and drowsiness, but here we will be rid of dullness and drowsiness.’
‘Others will be restless, but here we will not be restless.’
‘Others will have doubts, but here we will have gone beyond doubt.’
‘Others will be irritable, but here we will be without anger.’
‘Others will be hostile, but here we will be without hostility.’
‘Others will be offensive, but here we will be inoffensive.’
‘Others will be contemptuous, but here we will be without contempt.’
‘Others will be jealous, but here we will be without jealousy.’
‘Others will be stingy, but here we will be without stinginess.’
‘Others will be devious, but here we will not be devious.’
‘Others will be deceitful, but here we will not be deceitful.’
‘Others will be stubborn, but here we will not be stubborn.’
‘Others will be arrogant, but here we will not be arrogant.’
‘Others will be hard to admonish, but here we will not be hard to admonish.’
‘Others will have bad friends, but here we will have good friends.’
‘Others will be negligent, but here we will be diligent.’
‘Others will be faithless, but here we will have faith.’
‘Others will be conscienceless, but here we will have a sense of conscience.’
‘Others will be imprudent, but here we will be prudent.’
‘Others will be uneducated, but here we will be well educated.’
‘Others will be lazy, but here we will be energetic.’
‘Others will be unmindful, but here we will be mindful.’
‘Others will be witless, but here we will be accomplished in wisdom.’
‘Others will be attached to their own views, holding them tight, and refusing to let go, but here we will not be attached to our own views, not holding them tight, but will let them go easily.’
Interesting that among those is having ‘good friends’.
And then we later have the idea …
Truly, Cunda, if you’re sinking down in the mud you can’t pull out someone else who is also sinking down in the mud. But if you’re not sinking down in the mud you can pull out someone else who is sinking down in the mud. Truly, if you’re not tamed, trained, and extinguished you can’t tame, train, and extinguish someone else. But if you’re tamed, trained, and extinguished you can tame, train, and extinguish someone else.
And then at the end of that sutta the Buddha suggests that Cunda meditates alone.
Here are these roots of trees, and here are these empty huts. Practice absorption, Cunda! Don’t be negligent! Don’t regret it later! This is my instruction.”