@aminah, or any moderator, Kindly move this part of the conversation to the older thread cited above (on what Ananda was told about women).
This quote never bothered me as I read its meaning like this:
Imagine a wife is headed overseas for a journey of many months, against her husband’s wish, and at the airport her distressed husband blurts out frantically,
“But what shall I do about women?” Here it’s not general interactions with females at issue, but how and whether to stay celibate in the absence of his beloved wife. The wife laughs and says, “Don’t look at them, Darling.” Here not meaning avoid all eye contact, but simply not to look lustfully.
(The idea of “looking” can be innocent or loaded with sexual meaning. For example, think of the difference between a girl saying, “My boyfriend forgot lunch with me because he was busy looking at people on the beach,” versus her complaining, “… because he was busy looking at women on the beach!”)
“But what if I see them?” Here, seeing is more innocent; women are seen by me, and now what? “Don’t speak to them, Darling.” Here, not-speaking refers to avoid chatting them up, that is, not speaking to women in ways conducive to lust and infidelity. It calls for his wholesome restraint, not utter silence.
“But what if they speak to me?” Here, I imagine the wife leaning close to touch his cheek fondly, laughing gently as she answers, “Be mindful, Darling” - meaning that she has faith that he will be fine, able to maintain his fidelity in her absence. At that point the husband’s panic of doubt in himself subsides.
The scripture creatively re-worded to reflect this perspective:
“But Lord, will I be able to maintain chastity when you are gone?!” “Yes, Ananda, just don’t stare lustfully at women.” “But what if I’m face-to-face with a woman?” “Don’t chat her up, Ananda.” But what if she to talks to me?" “Just be mindful Ananda; you’ll do fine. You don’t need me here to maintain your celibacy.”