I’ve found (1 females perspective) that striving to be free of conditioned responses to sexuality is a complex issue, and goes through phases over time.
There have been times when my body and conditioned drives make it very difficult to be calm and peaceful - and forget about equanimity!!
At those times I use all kinds of means, from contemplating the inconstancy and unsatisfactoriness of bodies, male and female. All the way to dealing with attraction to specific people. If one can’t avoid them, then one needs to come up with a means to counter the feelings/drives in the here and now. Yes I’ve done the “carcass of a dog draped accross their shoulders”, and while not the best way to approach things, sometimes needs must.
One particular reflection that I found helpful was wearing a ring that looked very pretty but was very uncomfortable and after a few hours became painful. It was a great reminder that just because something is attractive on the outside, doesn’t mean it won’t cause suffering, and to be a reminder of skillful actions, until they become automatic.
I’ve found the important thing is to be aware that these are just tools toward and end… and not to confuse the many techniques for ‘reality’.
This is also not just restricted to the human drive of reproduction and desire for physical connection - I’ve also applied it to my thinking mind.
My human natural inclination is to enjoy thinking. It’s the monkey mind, the attached mind, the unwise mind… Just the other day, when struggling to meditate, I had the sudden image that our brains, when we die, quickly become just an ooze of smelly sludge
This image has really helped crack the illusion that our minds are something special, that My Mind is something special. The same with all physical imperatives.
Of course, being able to see past our human conditioning via
But personally this doesn’t always work in all situations.
I try to follow the middle way - but when I don’t live up to those Standards, I excersize compassion towards my self… It’s a long and challenging path
Metta to all