I have heard and read a lot of stories from monks and nuns about how they came to ordain, but the stories often seem to skip over or largely condense the part between their encounter with nibbidā and their ordination. For instance, sometimes it seems like monks become disenchanted with the world and then hop on a plane to Thailand. I know this isn’t actually how it works, but I’d like to hear from monastics (and non-monastics) about how they dealt with the nibbidā that arose before they were able to take ordination.
In the Tipitaka, the path from disenchantment to ordination seems somewhat more complex, as there are multiple stories of laypeople who encountered obstacles (such as their parents) despite their fervor to ordain. There is one story in particular (that I can’t remember where it is) in which a layperson very strongly feels such nibbidā and the impermanence of his life, but is prevented from ordaining. Basically my question is, what does one do with that nibbidā when it arises? Obviously mindfulness is the key to seeing that it is also dukkha, anicca, & anatta; but at least for me as of late it has been a very strong emotion, one that has been inspiring depression (why can’t I run off to a monastery!) rather than further disillusionment from sense pleasures or an increased mindfulness.
Any sutta passages about nibbida or personal thoughts/experiences would be helpful.