In MN 13, we have a passage that deals with the origins of suffering, pointing out that people of all different sorts fight with each other of sensual pleasures. In the typical Pali style, the passage is systematic, seemingly trying cover all its bases.
Puna caparaṃ, bhikkhave, kāmahetu kāmanidānaṃ kāmādhikaraṇaṃ kāmānameva hetu rājānopi rājūhi vivadanti, khattiyāpi khattiyehi vivadanti, brāhmaṇāpi brāhmaṇehi vivadanti, gahapatīpi gahapatīhi vivadanti, mātāpi puttena vivadati, puttopi mātarā vivadati, pitāpi puttena vivadati, puttopi pitarā vivadati, bhātāpi bhātarā vivadati, bhātāpi bhaginiyā vivadati, bhaginīpi bhātarā vivadati, sahāyopi sahāyena vivadati.
Furthermore, for the sake of sensual pleasures kings fight with kings, aristocrats fight with aristocrats, brahmins fight with brahmins, householders fight with householders. A mother fights with her child, child with mother, father with child, and child with father. Brother fights with brother, brother with sister, sister with brother, and friend fights with friend.
Pretty much everyone in a family fights with everyone else. Except sisters. They don’t fight each other—they’re much too sensible.
Having grown up with a sister and a brother, I have to confess that I am probably the exception to this rule: My sister and me were sometimes fighting heavily, for example pulling each other’s hair so that we would have headache for 3 days afterwards… With my brother no such thing ever happened.
lol! Here’s another psychological perspective: ‘fighting (argument) is endemic to all adult relationships. It is a healthy mark of adult communication. It shows that people aren’t suppressed; and a subordinate-dominant relationship isn’t apparent’.
I personally think that the point to emphasize isn’t argument, but the skill in re-establishing the (new) relationship, when the old one is no longer satisfactory, and continuing to work in the altered arrangement.
Honest and open communication is a must, as well as keeping lines of communication accessible.
Maybe the Buddha left the sisters out as they are good at getting back together again, as well?
Would it be too ‘gendered’ if I said, in general, women are better at communicating with each other than men’?
Here’s another psychological perspective: ‘fighting (argument) is endemic to all adult relationships. It is a healthy mark of adult communication. It shows that people aren’t suppressed; and a subordinate-dominant relationship isn’t apparent’.
