Friendship: the whole of the holy life?

Maybe we can funnel stream entry discussion into this thread.

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I’ve heard Ajahn Brahm mention before that the good friends mentioned in the texts refers to the Noble ones. So this would include the Buddha, but also probably all the Ariyas.
I’ve also heard Bhante G mention before (in Singapore, at the Buddhist Fellowship celebration lunch) that “Buddha is kalyanamitta No 1”.

I personally would consider the Buddha to be kalyanamitta No 1, via the suttas. But that’s just me. :smile:

Again, I think the primary focus should probably the Dhamma and the Vinaya as the primary kalyanamitta. I personally practice that way, and consider Ajahns Brahm, Brahmali, Sujato and Analayo as the main messengers of the Buddha (imo).

That said, I think friends play a very important role, especially in correcting for the tendency towards egotism and conceit. It is perhaps for that reason that the Vinaya rules have so much confession; it’s humbling to have to admit wrongdoing. And the Vinaya rules definitely go a far way to help one let go of a sense of self, which probably reinforces the practice of the Path (by reducing the Self, which is delusion No. 1, and probably making it a lot easier to practice the full Eightfold Path).

There is a sutta which I remember reading, where the Buddha actually asked a bhikkhu if he had attained samadhi before seclusion. And the monk hadn’t attained samadhi, hence the Buddha actually advised the monk not to go into seclusion, but to first master the jhanas first within the Sangha. Unfortunately I can’t remember which sutta this was…

Just my two cents. :slight_smile:

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I really like this topic.

The Buddha’s teaching that “good friendship is the whole of the holy life” to me means this: “good friend” is essentially one’s teacher, whether it be the Buddha or one’s preceptor or achariya; “holy life” is the higher spiritual life that leads to the end of old age, sickness and death, i.e. Nibbāna. In other words, I think it means that without a teacher you cannot attain Nibbāna on your own.

On the other hand, the advice to be secluded and not indulge in socializing, I find very beneficial for a personality like mine. The Buddha also said that “one who dwells alone sees things as they really are”. I love being by myself. It conduces to great inner peace and freedom. I also rely on myself and my wisdom and my own investigation and I teach myself things, that is I have an “inner teacher”, which is simply a deeper level wisdom than my superficial shallow one, that teaches me things I ordinarily wouldn’t teach others. At one point I thought it was my Buddha-nature (now I’m not sure), so I got more involved with Mahāyāna; but anyway, I think you can gain a lot by being by yourself and not necessarily be without a good friend - you are your own good friend in this case! That’s why I’m never ever lonely, and personal solitary retreats have been the best time of my life and the cause of great personal progress.

Hope this addresses your original post somewhat. Take care!

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This is an interesting topic, to me the idea of ‘good friendship’ is closely connected with the idea of no-self, which implies that since we have no permanent, immutable core, we will be influenced (even, in the words of Ajahn Brahm, ‘brainwashed’) by our environment and the people we spend time with, so that it’s wise to avoid bad company. I have clearly experienced at some stage in my life some bad influence of my environment - I have just written in a separate thread on the topic.
My understanding is that the supreme happiness in buddhism has to be found in meditation and thus in seclusion though.
By the way I’ve just been reading Aristotle’s Nichomachean ethics. It’s quite interesting because Aristotle was a great mind but he had completely different views on the solitary life, on what happiness is, and on the role of friends compared to the Buddha. They are two completely different worlds.

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While looking for something totally different I found this lovely sutta AN7.36 which is clearly about our regular dear friends

He gives what is beautiful,
hard to give,
does what is hard to do,
endures painful, ill-spoken words.

His secrets he tells you,
your secrets he keeps.

When misfortunes strike,
he doesn’t abandon you;
when you’re down & out,
doesn’t look down on you.

A person in whom these traits are found,
is a friend to be cultivated
by anyone wanting a friend.

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Spiritual Friendship: the whole of the holy life
Scriptural Friendship: a part of the holy life

Me : Trying to learn how to swim from a book on land.

Kalyanamitta : Swimming champion who can train other people.

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