I find myself watching youtube videos of really down and out, mentally ill, drug addicted, homeless, angry, people. I do this to remind myself that suffering is very real. But for me, I have to admit, I’ve never really suffered. At all. My life has been one great adventure. Bad things have happened certainly, My father died when I was in my early 20’s. I’ve been broke. I’ve experienced heart ache. Probably didn’t get enough love from my parents or partners.
But for some reason, it never really affected me all that much. If I had nothing, I was content with having nothing. When I had plenty, I was content with having plenty. When my parents died, I took it in stride. When I got cancer, it was just another thing I needed to experience and deal with. When my daughter got Hodgkins lymphoma, I took it as an opportunity to hang out with her while she got chemo, joke with her and make her laugh. I’ve hitchhiked around the world with less than $20 and no health insurance, no support, no one I could call if I got into trouble and the universe just rose up to support me in the most amazing, fantastical ways. Quick example. I was once living in Boulder working at a record store. A guy used to come in who was attending the Naropa Institute which had just opened. He was from Boston. Months later, I got a wild notion to apply to Berklee School of music, and just packed up my car and went. When I arrived in Cambridge not knowing anyone and having zero money, 30 seconds after I parked my car on the street, the guy from Naropa just appeared. Put me up. Turned me on to Glenn Gould’s Goldberg variations and that recording played a major role in the rest of my life.
I always did whatever I wanted, never really had a boss, became a musician, painter, 3D artist, a writer, and rode the internet wave and launched a series of successful companies. retired with enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life. Without any suffering. Raised two kids who have been successful, paid for their college so they wouldn’t be burdened with student loan debt. They have done nothing but make me proud of them. I’ve been generous with my friends, family, and I support monasteries and buddhists and people I know in prison. Never cheated on my partners, never killed anyone, never stole or lied. Drank and smoked weed more than probably was necessary, but I’ve stopped that as well.
And yet, I’ve been drawn to buddhism my whole life. And I ask myself: why? I can see if you’ve suffered. I see the videos of homeless drug addicted human wrecks and say: I can see why THEY would be into buddhism. THEY are really suffering. But I’ve never felt suffering. and at 68, I know my death approaches, but I have no fear of dying. I think I’ve lived a good life and will be reborn in a good place. and I do think about my death bed (having witnessed and been by the side of both of parents when they have died, so I know you die alone, no matter how many people surround you). And I’m prepared and ready when ever it comes:
So my question: what draws a person like me to not only embrace buddhism, but find peace and joy in the religion. I have no urgent need to overcome suffering. I already know, everything will work out like it is destined to work out for me. It always has. Don’t worry, be happy is my motto.
What brings those of us who have had a literally wonderful life to buddhism? And then I think: well, the Buddha didn’t really suffer either. He was born in the lap of luxury and knew he could return to the lap of luxury at any time. And yet, he persisted. And that thought keeps me going down the path.