Continuing the discussion from Community guidelines revision:
It’s an interesting point to reflect on, but I have to say I’m really not at all sure about the proposition here. One of my favourite suttas is MN41. It is delivered to brahmin householders of Sālā. Within it, the Buddha describes the kind of actions (including verbal actions) that lead to a happy and unhappy rebirth. I think both the given audience and the fact that the Buddha describes what leads to different kinds of rebirth (rather than to full liberation), clearly indicate that the teaching (including his advice on speech) is for laypeople. He advises:
And how, householders, are there four kinds of verbal conduct in accordance with the Dhamma, righteous conduct? Here someone, abandoning false speech, abstains from false speech; when summoned to a court, or to a meeting, or to his relatives’ presence, or to his guild, or to the royal family’s presence, and questioned as a witness thus: ‘So, good man, tell what you know,’ not knowing, he says, ‘I do not know,’ or knowing, he says, ‘I know’; not seeing, he says, ‘I do not see,’ or seeing, he says, ‘I see’; he does not in full awareness speak falsehood for his own ends, or for another’s ends, or for some trifling worldly end. Abandoning malicious speech, he abstains from malicious speech; he does not repeat elsewhere what he has heard here in order to divide those people from these, nor does he repeat to these people what he has heard elsewhere in order to divide these people from those; thus he is one who reunites those who are divided, a promoter of friendships, who enjoys concord, rejoices in concord, delights in concord, a speaker of words that promote concord. Abandoning harsh speech, he abstains from harsh speech; he speaks such words as are gentle, pleasing to the ear, and loveable, as go to the heart, are courteous, desired by many, and agreeable to many. Abandoning gossip, he abstains from gossip; he speaks at the right time, speaks what is fact, speaks on what is good, speaks on the Dhamma and the Discipline; at the right time he speaks such words as are worth recording, reasonable, moderate, and beneficial. That is how there are four kinds of verbal conduct in accordance with the Dhamma, righteous conduct.
As such, for me, the issue of being ‘told off’ just does not apply. For me it’s about purifying ones own internal world, for ones own benefit (although it’s so obviously beneficial for others, too) and the only person that can really do any ‘telling off’ there is oneself, and even then I’d think ‘telling off’ might be an approach that’s kinda off of the mark.