Another one on cruises! 
Some advice from the Speculative Grammarian…
What SpecGram Recommends You Do for Yourself
• Only produce ejectives into your elbow, not your hand.
• All poetry should be written in heptameter or longer so that lines have more than six feet of separation.
• Any wh-phrase that shows symptoms should either remain in situ, or be quarantined on a wh-island.
• All dative movement should be avoided, lest an infected person either give someone the virus or give the virus to someone.
• Avoid birds of the crow, magpie, and jay family. What looks like a corvid may be an autocorrected COVID.
• Lexemes should avoid gathering together in texts of more than 500 words.
• To minimize exposure to small but potentially deadly viral particles, research on Japanese, Korean, and other particle-heavy languages should be done in a biosafety level 3 environment.
• During the current period, SpecGram recommends strict avoidance of any phonological models that allow a feature [+coronal]. (During normal periods, we recommend avoiding all phonological models.)
• If you think you’ve been exposed to coronavirus, get tested. Remember that a positive result is negative and a negative result is positive. If the test comes up double negative, consult WALS chapter 143.
• If symptoms appear and:
a. you speak a language with reflexive pronouns, you should isolate yourself.
b. you speak a language with a person-generic reflexive verbal prefix, you should self-isolate.
c. you speak a language with no reflexives, you should become isolated.
d. you speak Basque, you’re already an isolate.
• If too many verbs are affected, it may be necessary to declare a stative emergency.
For more…
more…
- Lesser organizations follow WHO health guidelines. We get objectively better advice from WHOM.
- To reduce the risk of inflection, all SpecGram staff are asked to speak an isolating language.
Hey bhante, tell us what is your source for these? Both funny and serious ones? Are your disciples sending you this via email? Or maybe your bhikkhu and bhikkhuni friends? Or even, do you have a website as a source? I love and laugh at them all! 
Sorry, classified! Secret sources make it all the more interesting. The reality, of course, is almost always boringly mundane. That’s why it matters so much to keep your sources hidden. The Machiavellian art of marketing! 
Brilliant! I’ve been living in seclusion for a long time… in those circumstances the clock face often reads by month or year… 
A lack of external signposts to the arbitrary passage of time 
Social distancing Pro:
Dying to reopen beaches:
edit: picture from NewZealand water safety campaign, not Florida.
Working from home:
Sorry, image didn’t copy successfully.
