Living in India. And it is just hell. Despite all the noise and hype about cleaning up India, things are terrible and are getting worse. I wake up and come out and there is always some guy peeing on the house wall. I yell at them and they stare back with a proud defiance that is both puzzling and infuriating. I go outside and garbage is everywhere and every bin is surrounded by pools of urine. I drive on my two-wheeler and guys snort and spit gobs of phlegm and saliva sideways, unmindful of people driving behind them. Belligerence and petty-minded arrogance in the few shops that I visit is getting more and more tiresome. The cacophony of exhaust pipes, endless processions and rallies that raise an infernal din - it feels like blunt needles getting hammered into my skull. Everyday is like this.
The result of all this is that I have lost the capacity to turn inward. I don’t even read the suttas anymore because I simply can’t apply them in my life. I am unable to soothe my frayed nerves after each day and my mind is a seething, tumultuous mess. Covid-19 and the lockdown has exacerbated my irritation and the most distressing thing is that I am slowly developing a deep hatred for this country, and unfortunately, for the people here as well. I don’t know what to do.